Wordless Wednesday

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Ten Goals for 2010

My Goals for 2010:

1. Run 2010 kilometers, cycle 2010 miles, swim 20.10 miles
2. Run a marathon with Team in Training
3. Do a century ride for the American Diabetes Association
4. Ride in the Iron Horse Bicycle Classic
5. Climb my first fourteener.
6. Read 10 books.
7. Attend 20 Yoga classes.
8. Attend 20 spinning classes.
9. Snowshoe 10 times
10. Play 10 rounds of golf with Adam

Some of the things  I am looking forward to in 2010:

Date nights with Sue :)
Seeing Laura graduate from college with her degree in Bio Physics! 
Seeing Brittany graduate with her Assoicates degree
Runs at the Irish Snug with Laura, Michelle, Nate, Keegan and Kristin.
Making memories with my family.
My volunteer work for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society.
Following the adventures of my running and blogging friends who inspire me.
Going riding with Laura and my sister.
Playing golf with Adam.
Living life with intention, gratitude and joy.

My goals may change, they most likely will need some sort of adjustment.   I might add some new goals during the year. 

What goals do you have for 2010?

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One Billion dollars for Kelly

Kelly would be 21 years old in two weeks.

21 years of Team in Training
420,000 participants.

One Billion dollars!

1,000,000,000 / 26.2  = 3,816,793 marathons

1,000,000,000 / 100  = 1,000,000 century rides

Relentless for a cure!!!

Go Team!!!

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30 days of Thanks: Day 11

Today I am thankful for:

For being asked to speak at the last minute at the Team in Training kickoff meeting.

For a very special moment Brittany and I shared with each other at the end of my talk.

For being able to talk about my love for Kelly.

For the gratitude I feel in my heart.

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Moab Century ride

Last Saturday,  I completed my third century ride with Team in Training and my seventeenth event with TNT since I first started running for Kelly in 1999.

Sue, Laura and I headed out for Moab on Thursday afternoon with my Fuji bike safely packed in the trunk. Adam wasn't able to come as he had to work.

Friday morning, Laura and I went out for a quick run where we saw some rocks, red rocks.

Later that morning we had our last workout before the century ride. We did a 30 mile ride where we saw some rocks, red rocks.

We headed off to the the TNT inspiration dinner. There was a slide show that ran continously of our heroes and angels. There were probably 30-40 different pictures on the slide show. The minute we walked into the room, Kelly's picture was the first one we saw.

As I was standing in line at the buffet I felt my heart breaking again for Kelly, for Laiken.  There were other pictures of young people on the slide show.  It is so sad and infuriating at the same time .

The Rocky Mountain chapter was one of six chapters attending this event.  Combined the six chapters had raised $350,000 to support the mission of the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society!

Saturday morning we gathered in the darkness outside our hotel waiting for the start.  We rolled off at 7:05 with a police escort for 125 Team in Training cyclists.  It was already warm when we started.   That was not a good sign.

We rolled out of town and immediately started climbing.  The first part of the climb was fairly flat giving us a chance to get our legs underneath us before the road turned uphill too steeply.

I had a weird conversation with my cycling coach.  He told me I was riding my bike like a triathlete.  I asked him what that meant.  He said I was riding like I wanted to get from the swim to the run.  I wasn't quite sure what to do with that piece of advice 45 minutes into a ride I had been in training for five months so I filed it away for the time being.

After the first aid station, I caught up with another group of my teammates and one of our other coaches, so I just tucked in behind the last cyclist and let the coach set the pace for our small group.

We saw a sign that told us the first climb of the day was upon us.  The Little Nasty as it is affectionately called or maybe not so affectionately.

I was riding with Andres Pedraza who was a collegaue of mine on the Board of Trustees for the Rocky Mountain chapter.   I was riding in front of him as we started the climb up the Little Nasty.  He told me he liked having me in front of him as the pictures I had pinned on the back of my jersey were helping him stay motivated.  I told Andres I had lots of reasons to be riding.  Here are four of them.

My heroes and angels.

Brittany-24

Alyson-5

Kelly

Laiken

Parts of this climb have a 14% elevation grade.  Ouch! 

I actually got in a good rhythm during this portion of the climb.  I was in the correct gear on my bike and made it to the top of the first climb fairly easily.

It was a neat moment for me as I was able to lead Andres on this first climb and was able to get a good picture of him during the final moments of his ascent on the Little Nasty.

Smooth pedaling.

No worries!

Great music, pulling you up the hill.

Who the heck are you?

We left the summit of the Little Nasty and encountered the next sign called Tom's Misery named after a friend of the race director who was quite miserable when he found out he wasn't done climbing and there was much more to come.

We encountered a sign called the Launch pad and then we saw the sign announcing we were about to start the climb up the "Big Nasty". 

So our group decided we better commerate this moment in the true pioneer spirit.

Rocky Mountain TNT mocks the Big Nasty!

Like many things in life, the fear I had of being able to climb the Big Nasty were overblown.  I didn't fall off my bike.  I didn't have to stop and walk.  Some of the climbs I had done in Colorado were much harder.

There was one stretch where the road looked incredibly steep and so long.   I remember feeling very afraid  and I asked Kelly to stay with me during for the rest of the climb and I felt her presence as I have so many times before and we rode to the top of the Big Nasty together.

After the Big Nasty there was still many more miles of climbing to be done.  The next stretch was called the Stairway to Heaven.

Finally after 30 miles, we were about to start our first descent.   As always, that wasn't much fun for me and was even worse than normal as the road was really torn up and there was lots of loose gravel to try and navigate around.   My wrists were aching by the time I finally got to the bottom of this descent.  It was quite treacherous, lots of sharp switchbacks and the gravel that was all over the road.  What a relief to finally hit a nice long straight section with a nice gentle descent.

When I got to the TNT aid station, I caught up with Andres again and we set off on a long out and back section that had lots of rolling hills and zero shade for 18 miles.  It was really hot at this point and it didn't seem like we were ever going to get the turnaround point.

The return part was even worse.  The sun was beating down on us.   I had to let Andres go,  I couldn't stay with him.

When I got back to the TNT aid station, I was in bad shape.  I was dehydrated, and think I may have had some heat exhaustion.  Looking back now, I realize as hot as it was I had stopped sweating.  I felt awful. The people at the aid station were very worried about me and wouldn't let me leave without having someone else to ride with.   I sat in the shade for 45 minutes, drank two full bottles of Gatorade. 

The last 15 miles were a blur.  I couldn't drink any more water.  The sun continued to beat down.  I couldn't do anything, so as best as I could I pedaled on.

We stopped 2 miles short of the finish line to wait for the rest of our chapter so we could finish as a team.

I sat in the shade for another 30 minutes, one of my teammates gave me the last of her powerade.  That seemed to help a little.

Finally we were off and finished the ride as a team.

It was ironic that the part of the ride I was so fearful of wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be.  It was the last 50 miles of rolling hills and the heat that had done me in.  

My Garmin said I had only rode 98+ miles, not 100.  I didn't care.  I didn't tack on the extra mileage to get to 100.

I got off my bike and walked back to the hotel with Sue and Laura. 

I haven't been back on my bike since,

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Random thoughts at 18 months

Today marks eighteen months of Kelly's passing.

There is a line from the Star Wars movie, A New Hope that I really like.

Obi-Wan Kenobi says to Darth Vader, "You can't win, Darth. If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you could possibly imagine".

He eventually sacrifices himself so that Luke and the others can escape. His body disappears before being struck by Vader's light sabre becoming a spirit in the force.

I think of this and how it applies in this fight that rages on with cancer. I often hear others describe how someone has lost their fight with cancer after a long courageous battle.

So much like Darth Vader was confused at to the whereabouts of Obi-Wan, I like to think that cancer is just as mystified when it thinks it has struck someone down.

There is a young woman in my office that is part of my company's Light the Night walk team. Her dad passed away from Leukemia eleven years ago. She is currently my team's top fund raiser for this years walk.

Laiken Kenwood's family and friends continue to raise money and awareness about childhood cancer, organize bone marrow drives.

The Rocky Mountain Team in Training cycling team has raised 98,000 dollars for this seasons ride. I know Kelly's story and her spirit have moved and inspired countless people in this battle with cancer.

Cancer did not strike Kelly down. Cancer did not strike Laiken down.

Cancer came to call one final time only to find it was too late.

Cancer can't win. Kelly and Laiken and so many others have become more powerful than cancer can possibly imagine.

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Thoughts on 7-11 Day

I drove down to Colorado Springs on Saturday to ride with the group of people that trains out of that area for the Moab Century ride on September 19, 2009.

It was an amazing day, great scenery, with some very challenging climbs. Coach Dale told me that some of the climbs we did today were harder than what the Big Nasty climb in Moab will be.

We started off doing a few miles on a bike trail before heading towards the west side of town.

I stopped and took this picture during the first really descent of the day. A lot of times when I ride I don't take the time to notice my surroundings.

A few climbs later and we headed towards Garden of the Gods. Pikes Peak is in the background which was the inspiration for America the Beautiful...

We started the climb up the Garden of the Gods road and were treated to some amazing scenery. The rock on the left of the photo seems to be suspended in mid air. Gorgeous.We continued down the road, enjoying some awesome scenery. I wish I could have taken more pictures. It was just amazing.

We headed off towards Seven Falls and Dale told us this next part of the ride would be a nice steady climb. He told me to go on ahead as he was going to do the ascent with Bonnie and Jetta. Just keep going up to you get to a dirt road and then you just turn around. Sounded easy enough.

NOT!

Parts of this climb were so steep that I almost fell off my bike into a ditch. I could barely stay upright.

I saw a parking lot in the distance and hoped that this was where I would find the dirt road and be able to turn around. I was sorely disappointed as I passed the parking lot the road turned up into some steep switchbacks.

The sun was absolutely beating down mercilessly at this point. I looked at my Garmin watch and thought I could run faster than I am riding. I was mashing the pedals, not spinning. Oh my gosh this is hard. How much longer to the top? The hairpin turns continued and finally I saw what appeared to be another parking lot. Straight up for another quarter of a mile and I see a dirt path. I was at the top. HOORAY!!!

I got off my bike to wait for the others to join me and my legs were shaking. I felt like I was about to fall over my legs felt so rubbery.

I saw Coach Dale. Jetta and Bonnie had stopped at the parking lot by the waterfall at Seven Falls and he had rode up to join me.

We stopped and took a couple of pictures and started back down. Naturally the sun went behind a cloud. It was now cool, overcast. I would have given anything for that during the last three miles. Dale told us later that we had climbed 2,000 feet over the last 3 miles which is even steeper than the climb of the Big Nasty in Moab.

We were back down where Bonnie and Jetta has stopped in the blink of an eye. It was kind of a scary descent for me. The switchbacks are so sharp you have to be really careful not to overshoot and end up flying off the edge of the road or veering to far to the left into the path of a car coming up the other side.

Dale cajoled Bonnie and Jetta to finish the climb. Somewhat reluctantly, but being good sports they accepted the challenge. I decided to ride back up with them and off we went.

It was Deja Vu all over again as I struggled up the steepest switchback. I made it to the top in time to be able to snap a picture of Jetta and Bonnie as they launched up the road to the finish.
Back down we went towards the waterfall and being in tourist mode and wanting to capture the day, I stopped and took a picture. Gorgeous. I love waterfalls and the sound of water!


During the last part of the descent, it began to rain to add to the challenge as now the roads were wet making braking even more difficult.

We continued on our tour and headed off towards the Broadmoor Hotel where at a very busy intersection we watched a deer wait patiently at a 4 way stop sign where she safely crossed the road and scampered into the trees.

We continued past the historic Broadmoor East course, build by Donald Ross where Jack Nicklaus won the 1958 U.S. Amateur and arrived at the roundabout entrance to the famous Broadmoor Hotel where we were eyed suspiciously by the security guards.

We turned and headed back to the bike shop where we had started the ride from.

Total distance today was only 46.4 miles which included over 3,000 feet of climbing.

I began the day thinking about Megan Dickey and Patti Kaufman who both passed away on 7-11 day one year apart. Meagan in 2007 at the age of 13, Patti last year.

I remember during one stretch of a hard section of climbing, thinking of all the people I was riding for, why I am riding. How many times did I lean on Kelly to get me through a bad patch of running or get me to the top of a climb? I miss her so much and I cry for just a moment.

I am grateful that I can ride for her and keep her memory and my love for her alive. I am grateful for the love I feel for Laiken and the people that she has brought into my life, Shanya, Stacey, Donna, people I have not met, but people I care about. I am grateful that I can ride for Brittany, Trista, Mason, Brandan and my latest little hero, Alyson in the hopes that a cure for all cancers will be found someday soon.

Till that day, I will keep pedaling, keep running, for my heroes and for my angels.

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Kelly's voice

Ross, Kelly and Emily at Chidren's Hospital

I had the honor today to be Kelly’s voice at the kickoff meeting for Team In Training. Right at the start of the meeting nines stories were read. We stood in various locations in the meeting room, standing on chairs to make our voices heard. Cathie Nicolson, one of the amazing gals on the TNT staff, called it getting into cancers face.

Anisa Robinson e-mailed me on Thursday asking if I could write something about Kelly’s story. It is always hard for me to tell the journey I shared with Kelly in a couple of sentences. I tried as best as I could and sent if off to Anisa. Anisa combined some of my thoughts and I think it was Cathie who gave me the note to read.

I read through it, but when I got to the last line my heart sank. I couldn’t say the last line. I would have to give it to someone else to read.

I agonized over this for the next hour. I stepped outside to clear my head. I walked around the building, saying the words out loud. I knew I had to rehearse this so my emotions wouldn’t completely overwhelm me.

Could I read the last line as written? I tried to say it. I couldn’t. I started over. I got to the last line. I cried softly to myself. I wandered in and out the building waiting for the meeting to start. I tried again.

I can’t do it. I can’t say this.

I happened to see Anisa in the hall and she asked me if I had received Kelly’s story. I asked her if she would mind if I changed the final sentence. I told her I can’t say this. This is not the way Kelly’s parents, her sister Marcy thought about it. It was not how Kelly thought about it. It is not how I view it.

I told her about the note Kelly's Mom had written to me as I was running the Denver marathon last fall, how I wanted to change the last line, how important that was to me. Anisa told me it would be okay, say it exactly that way.

I found a pen and rewrote the ending in a way that would honor Kelly, my love for her and her family. I went back outside and practiced being Kelly’s voice. I knew that there was still a good chance I would completely fall apart.

My story was #7. I made sure I knew who the speaker was just before me so I would be ready when it was my turn.

I think in story #3, I heard the words I hated.

I climbed onto my chair as the 6th speaker began.

It was my turn. My legs were shaking. I was Kelly’s voice.

My name is Kelly. I was diagnosed with Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia when I was 7 years old.

Over the next four years I went through chemotherapy and a stem cell transplant and relapsed twice during that time.

When I was twelve years old the doctors gave me 3-6 months to live.

At 13, I made medical history becoming the first pediatric patient in the nation to receive a mini-stem cell transplant.

That procedure gave me almost five years of living a normal life. I started thinking about college and I even got to go to prom.

In March 2008, after twelve years, the cancer killed itself. I lived joyfully, vibrant till my least breath.

This was the last sentence as it was originally written.

In March 2008, I lost my twelve year battle with cancer.

I couldn't be Kelly's voice and say that. I just couldn't do it. It wasn't true. Cancer is futile. It never wins.

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Being where you are supposed to be

Do you ever feel like you are doing exactly what you are supposed to be doing, that wherever you are at the moment is where you are supposed to be?

I volunteered yesterday at a Team in Training information meeting for the upcoming season.

I had picked this particular meeting a couple of weeks ago when I recognized the names of some of the other volunteers that had signed up.

My cycling coach Gary was going to be there and Desiree(Melina's mother) was going to deliver the mission moment and Sarah who was the mentor for my group last season was also going to be there to help.

Gary is one of those people that you can't help feeling good when you are around him. He is so enthusiastic about his love for the sport of cycling. I haven't seen Gary since last July when we went riding together and we just picked up where we left off.

Desiree did a fabulous job sharing her story about baby Melina. Melina almost died the first day she was diagnosed at 5 months. Her white blood cell count broke the record at Children's hospital. 1.2 million. Normal levels would be 4500-10,000. Melina kept fighting because she had more work to do.

Melina had a blood cord transplant from a donor in Milan, Italy. There was even hope she might be able to come home and then she started having trouble breathing. Melina died at the age of 10 months. Desiree so wants kids to have a chance at life and she continues to be relentless in her efforts to give kids and adults the chance to live.

Later a young gal shared something with Desiree as she was leaving the meeting. She has a friend named Alex that lives in Milan, Italy and he just had a blood cord transplant from a donor in Colorado. She and her husband had come to the meeting at the last moment. She was right where she was supposed to be.

There were 19 people at the meeting. 10 people signed up for the upcoming season. Desiree is quite the closer. She was where she was supposed to be, fighting for kids to have a chance.

I have often wondered since Kelly died if I am being where I am supposed to be. Can I continue to do this?

For now, the answer is yes. I am where I am supposed to be. I should continue to provide support and hope to others that I meet in this journey. I believe that is what Kelly would want me to do.


Part of living abundantly is being where you are supposed to be, with the people you care about, trying to make a difference along the way.

That was how Kelly lived her life. A very dear friend of mine told me that is now my job to live joyfully. That is where I am supposed to be.

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Celebrating with Brittany

Today Brittany Ross is celebrating 8 years of being in remission!

Brittany was diagnosed shortly before her sweet 16 birthday. It was a miracle she lived to see that birthday.

She was told she wouldn't graduate from high school, would never be able to attend college.

I think Brittany reacted to this challenge the same way Han Solo did in the Empire Strikes Back when told that the odds against successfully navigating an asteroid field were approximately 3,720 to 1.

"Never tell me the odds". Who does she remind me of?

So today, I celebrate along with Brittany.

I celebrate her friendship, the unconditional support she has given me. Brittany has been such an important part of my healing process this year.

I celebrate her health and her future as she begins a new and exciting part of her life.

I celebrate the hope that she gives me, to all of this who are in this fight to find a cure.

Keep celebrating Brittany, forever and always.

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The marathon I never wanted to run

I was talking to a friend of mine at work last Thursday before I left work and I was telling her I was still struggling with my grief about Kelly. Kelly always seemed to sense when I needed to hear from her. I would be struggling, feeling discouraged and I would get home from work and suddenly an e-mail from Kelly would be in my in-box. I had made a special folder just to store Kelly's e-mails so I would always know when a new one came. My heart would leap every time. How did she know I needed to hear from her?

I got home Friday afternoon after running some errands and inside my mail box was a special delivery letter from Don and Patty(Kelly's parents). Inside the envelope was one of Kelly's bandanna's and a locket with a picture of her pinned to her bandanna. Kelly's parents wanted me to have something of hers to treasure before the marathon. That was so neat.

This was the marathon I hoped I would never have to run. A marathon where I was running in Kelly's memory instead of running in her honor. I have crossed the finish line of 15 other marathons, running for Kelly, running to honor Kelly. Can I do this? Can I finish what I began for her? The finish line awaits, 26 miles, 385 yards from the start.

My training has been off for weeks, my emotions are completely off kilter. For the first time before a marathon I really feel like I might not finish. I am so edgy. I have the emotional stability of a two year old the entire week before the marathon. I have the same feeling of dread I used to have before I fly. I know this is completely irrational and yet I can't shake it.

I have a picture of Kelly, Sarah and Laiken on the back of my singlet and ribbons with their names alongside their pictures. I also have a wallet sized picture of them I carry in a pocket of my running shorts.

The race started right on time. I lined up very near the end of the runners and walkers, took me about 8 minutes to cross the start line from when the elite runners had started. They would almost be at mile 2 before I crossed that start line. Now that it is finally race day, the irrational fears are gone. I am still not sure that I can do this. However, I know that barring a catastrophic event I will finish what I start. To borrow a made up word from my friend Dane , I have a lot of stubbornocity in me.

I crossed the mats at the start line and began running. What would the day be like, what would unfold over the vastness of 26.2 miles?

Most of the day was very quiet. It was rather strange, I don't think I talked to anyone during the entire marathon other than a couple of TNT coaches, shouted some Go Team to my teammates during the marathon. I usually strike up a conversation with someone for a period of time, but today was different.

As I had planned, miles 0-5 I ran as a tribute solely to Kelly. The start of the race takes us through lower downtown, Larimer Square, past the 16th street mall, Pepsi Center, Coors field, back through parts of downtown and then heads east up 17th avenue towards City Park. The first 5 miles pass fairly quickly. I am alone with my thoughts about Kelly, enjoying our time together.

I pass the 5 mile mark and mentally make the transition to running the next 5 miles in tribute to Laiken Kenwood who passed away on April 22 at the age of 13.

Earlier last week KFRG radio was doing a fund-raiser for Londa Lima Children's Hospital in California. This was a fundraiser that Laiken had participated in prior years and the radio station had a wonderful tribute to her. I got to hear her grandmother, her mother, and friends talk about her life. In so many ways she reminded me of Kelly. She lived her life in dignity, never complained about why she had cancer, cared more about others. At the end of the tribute I even got to hear her voice. She sounded so much like Kelly did at that age. It was almost like listening to Kelly again. I had tears pouring down my face as I got to hear her sweet voice.

I ran on thinking about Laiken and her family, about my friend Shayna who was doing a 1/2 marathon in San Francisco on Sunday. Shayna was walking for her mom, for Laiken and also for Kelly and so many others. More on that later.

Miles 5-10 route the runners into City Park for a couple of miles and then we head back out west on 17th avenue and then turn towards the south towards Cheesman Park. I saw one of the TNT running coaches(Wendy) as we ran up a hill towards Cheesman. Wendy asked me how I was feeling. I told her I wasn't having a very good day. She said she could tell from the look on my face. I was at mile 9 and I was already spent. I was 17+ miles from the finish line. I tried not to think about that. One foot in front of another. Focus on Laiken. I entered the park and saw my wife Sue, cheering for all of the runners. I asked her where the kids were and she said they were on the west side of the park.

I passed the 10 mile mark and began my tribute mile to Megan Dickey. Megan was a teammate of Laura's on her club swim team who had died a year ago also at the age of 13 from bone cancer.

Check out the tribute Megan's friend Jenni Greenwald is doing for her at http://www.lovelets.org/

I have often wondered if Jenni might have met either Mason or Bradan during her visits to Children's Hospital.

I ran on for Megan.

Picture in Cheesman Park. Picture of Kelly and Sarah on left of singlet, Laiken on right.

I saw Laura and Adam near a point in the park where I run with my nephew Keegan on Thursday night's. Luckily today I don't have to run today pushing a baby jogger. I asked my kids, "whereishe" about Keegan. Keegan says that all the time when he asks where Laura(LaLa )is. It sounds like one word the way he says it.

I pass the 11 mile mark and begin my tribute mile for Patti Kaufmann. Patti was a colleague of mine on the board of trustee's that passed away suddenly this summer. Patti was the driving force for the Denver, Light the night walk. The walk grew from 300 walkers in 1998 to over 6,000 last month. Revenue from the walk this year is 800,000 and counting. Patti was a very kind person. She never wanted to talk about her illness. Her focus was always on helping others.

12 miles, almost halfway. I begin running this next mile for baby Melina. Melina was diagnosed at the age of 3 months. I can't get my head around that. How is that possible? This is a really hard mile. It totally sucks to have to run a mile in memory of a 10 month old innocent baby girl. So sad. Her Mom is so sweet. I feel overwhelmed.

Mile 13-We are now running on one of my favorite parts of the course as we head east on 7th avenue past some beautiful homes on tree lined streets. I run this mile in honor of Brandon Hickey. Brandon is about the same age as my nephew Keegan. However Keegan is healthy, Brandan has an extremely rare form of AML. His disease is the first documented instance of this form of AML in 21 years. His Mom is hopeful that if Brandan survives that it will make it so much easier to help others that follow. I will see Brandan later in the day on the course. More to come on that.

Mile 14-I run this mile in tribute to Mason Bernard who is the team hero for the fall marathon team. Mason's mother Catherine is a teammate of mine this season. Coincidentally, I see Catherine running east on 7th avenue as I am running west. I shout out to her and Marianne, another TNT teammate that they look great. Catherine hurt her knee/IT band during our last long training run and has literally done no running for 3 weeks, but here she is. Running for her son, running so that Mason can cross his finish line with a cure. Catherine reminds me so much of Kelly's mom. I thought that was pretty neat that I saw her during Mason's mile.

Mile15-16. I had dedicated these miles to Brittany Ross and Kelly. Brittany is one of the team heroes for the Winter team. Brittany is a very fun, upbeat young woman. She loves her TNT runners. Who does she remind me of? Brittany and her family have raised over 100,000 doing TNT events. I had dinner with her a couple of weeks ago. She was telling me she had no bone marrow at one point during treatment for 275 straight days. Any kind of infection would have been fatal. Here she is now, about to graduate from college. Amazing.

Mile 16-Memories of running for Kelly on her 16th birthday, a birthday Brittany wasn't supposed to live to see.

Sue and I were at the PF Chang marathon on Kelly's birthday that year, we celebrated her sweet 16 birthday. Sue was the world's happiest marathoner that year. Kelly was so healthy at that time. It seemed like the cancer had been turned away forever....

Mile 17-18-I ran these miles for Sarah Larson. Sarah was one of Kelly's best friends. They both underwent transplants in 1999. The oncology nurses couldn't tell them apart. They both loved collecting Eeyore trinkets. I got to meet Sarah at Kelly's graduation in 2007. In a way I ran for both Sarah and Kelly, celebrating their friendship. What a bond they shared, yet they were just like other teenage girls. I don't think either of them let their experience with cancer define who they were.

At some point during mile 17, I saw Brandon Hickey and his mom at the east side of Washington Park. They had come out to cheer for the TNT runners. Brandan had a purple shirt he was wearing that said cancer survivor. It was so big on him. He looked like a little ewok. I hope he outgrows that shirt.

Shortly after seeing Brandan and his mom, a young lady yelled out to me. Go Team, I love you. Thank you for saving my brother in-laws life. I have never had anyone say anything like that to me before during a marathon. I almost started to cry as I tried to sputter out a thank you.

Mile 19-20. Back into Washington Park. I see Sue, Laura and Adam again. It is always a nice boost to see your family on the course. I am so tired now. I start talking out loud in my head to Kelly, ask her to stay with me. I start to cry a little. I had promised Kelly years ago when she relapsed in 2000 that I would run for her as long as she needed me. Now it is me who needs her, for as long as I am running.

I pass the mile 20 mark. I am at symbolic 1/2 point of the marathon.

The next five miles I run as a tribute to Rose, Molly, Marcy, Patty and Don. Kelly's family, my family.

At some point, think it was right after the 20 mile mark, I started to take roll call for everyone I was running for that day. I had my entourage, my team angels, Kelly and Laiken, Megan, Patti, Melina, my team heroes, Brandan, Mason, Brittany, my honorary team hero Sarah. When I would get the next mile I would add a new name, Rose, Molly, Marcy, Patty, Don. I had an awesome team propelling me to the finish line.

Mile 25.

I saw Mighty Mason with his Dad somewhere during this mile.

I run this mile for my family. They have been such a big part of this journey with me. I realize I have about 5 more minutes of running to go and I will be done. I am going to finish and I just start to let my emotions go, all the pain and sorrow for all of these months. I have cried so many times about Kelly and yet not really cried. Maybe this was what the day was all about, letting it go, feeling the sadness so I could finally move forward and learn to live joyfully as well. I am running and crying, really crying and out of nowhere the TNT head coach runs alongside me and asks me how I am doing.

I tell her I am okay, but I am losing it emotionally and incredibly she says come on you are almost done, you can do it. RATS. I don't need someone to help me run in. She keeps exhorting me to pick up the pace. The cleansing moment has passed and now I am racing for the first time all day. It was a rather ironic ending to the day and to top it off, I forgot to shout "God save the queen". Now I have to run another marathon.

I really can't describe all the emotions I felt as I crossed this finish line. Some of it was relief, it was finally over. I spoke at TNT kickoff for this season on May 10, 23 weeks ago. It was a long journey to reach this destination. I am so glad I was able to finish the race for Kelly and for everyone else I ran for on Sunday. I ran almost the same time I did two years ago at this race. Two years ago, I was so disappointed in the time I ran that day. This year I have no regrets about that aspect. I ran to the finish on fumes. I was out of gas at the 9 mile mark. I had to finish if I could for Kelly. I still choose to feel like I am running to honor Kelly, her memory as well for what she means to me and to so many others, but mainly I run in her honor. After all, I am Kelly's runner. That is what I do.

After the race was over I saw one of our team heroes, Sharon and asked her if she would mind a hug from a sweaty runner. That helped me a little bring some of the emotions back to the surface. I stood off to the side for a minute or so after that and just cried. I went over and hugged my wife and kids and cried softly.

I was able to check in at the TNT tent and chat with a couple of people and make it back to the finish line just in time to see Catherine Bernard cross the finish line. She was able to run the entire race without walking. These parents of kids with cancer are tough!

Catherine is just left of the TNT head coach wearing the white hat. It was a very touching moment to watch her finish. Her friends that did the 1/2 marathon ran in with her and are clapping for her.

Catherine with Mighty Mason share a priceless moment together after the race.

Rebecca Russell, our awesome chapter executive director and me after the race. Rebecca always willing to raise awareness for TNT is wearing a purple wig.

I am going to wash my singlet and then pin the pictures and ribbons I wore that day during the marathon and get a frame to put it in.

This is my friend Shayna(far left) and Cathie Nicolson. Cathie is one of the awesome girls on the TNT staff. This picture was taken at the Pasta Party at the Nike marathon in San Francisco.

Thought I would share this story from Shayna about Kelly.

Also... The strangest thing happened... I was wearing 7 TNT bracelets when I went to San Francisco... The one with Kelly's name was one of them... I was planning to send you the bracelet with the nametag after the race... And I had this amazing reunion with my boyfriend (whom I hadn't seen in 3 months!) at the airport, then we all went to the expo, then to Alcatraz... And it was when we got back from Alcatraz when I realized I was missing a bracelet... And of course, it was Kelly's... She jumped off my wrist at some point... I don't know if she's at the expo, or on a trolley car, or somewhere on Pier 39, or on Alcatraz Island... I just know that she decided to stay in San Francisco... I'm sad that I can't send you the bracelet, but glad that she's somewhere fun! :)

Knowing Kelly, I am pretty sure she decided to do some shopping at Pier 39.

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TNT Mission day

Check out the video here that CBS4 filmed of the TNT mission day on September 27.

http://cbs4denver.com/video/?id=48020@kcnc.dayport.com

If you look closely you can see a picture of Kelly and Emily together taken at Red Robin. For those of you that may not know this, Emily is Kelly's transplant donor. Emily flew out to meet Kelly last February. Her plane landed about 30 minutes after mine did that day so I got to share in the amazing moment when Kelly and Emily met for the first time.

There is also a short piece about Mason Bernard who is the local TNT hero for the fall team this season.

Mission day was an incredible experience. There were about 40-45 of us running that morning and every single person shared the reason why they were running.

Some were running simply because they could. Many had personal connections.

One young mother spoke about losing her 10 month old infant daughter.

Catherine Bernard is running for her son.

There is a grandmother on the fall team running for her grandson.

One of the mentors, Alison is running for her mother, Mary.

One young gal said she was running because she could and also because she didn't think it was fair when young people got cancer. It made her mad.

Elly Valas who I am honored to serve with on the board for the Rocky Mountain chapter was running for her the light of her life, her late husband and for her best friend Patti Kaufman who passed away in July of this year.

So many others, too many others we run for.

I run for for Laiken, for Patti, for baby Molina, for Mason, for Brandan, for Brittany, for Sarah, and always and forever I run for my hero-Kelly.

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Running with Katie's

I have an interesting streak going. The last two races I have struck up a conversation while running with Katie. Different races, different Katie's.

I ran the Georgetown to Idaho Springs 1/2 marathon 3 weeks ago and ran with a young girl named Katie who is a TNT teammate that is training to run the Nike Women's marathon in San Francisco the same day as the Denver marathon. It is always fun to find someone that is running about the same pace as you are. Makes the miles and time so much more fun. Katie recently graduated from Denver University. I am always so touched when I see young people already involved in serving the communities they live in. We probably ran off and on together for about 10 miles and really helped pull each other to the finish line. We both ended up running faster then we would have if we hadn't run together.

Today I ran a 10 mile race called the Park to Park. The race takes a beautiful tour of 4 city parks in Denver, City Park, Cheesman Park, Aloma Placita park and ends in Washington Park. It hits some of my favorite parts of the city to run in. In addition to the tour of the parks, you get to run in quiet, tree lined neighborhoods. Even on a hot day, this wouldn't be bad with all of trees that protect you from the sun.

While running through Cheesman Park, I met another Katie. I was wearing my purple TNT singlet and she asked me how Team in Training was going. Turned out that Katie was a former coach of the New York chapter. She obviously could have run much faster, but opted to spend the rest of the run with me. We chatted about the New York city marathon, triathlons(She has completed an iron man event(2.4 mile swim, 112 mile bike ride and a 26.2 mile run). She gave me some tips on nutrition and a supplement that is supposed to help you sleep better. She was appalled when I told her how little I am able to sleep. She said there is no way my muscles can repair themselves with so little rest.

Laura-You will very interested to hear this. Katie is friends with Darra Torres. She says she is absolutely not cheating. Cut the volume of training by 50%, sleeps more, and has a trainer stretch her two hours a day.

I was so glad that Katie struck up a conversation with me. I knew after the first three miles that my time goal for the day was a fantasy. I had nothing in my legs. Guess I was still tired from my long run on Saturday. It was nice to be able to let go of the outcome and just enjoy the beautiful day and the good company.

Thanks Katie's. I enjoyed running and getting a chance to talk with you.

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Meet Mighty Mason

I have a favor to ask to everyone that is reading my blog.

Mason Bernard is our team hero for the Denver marathon this fall. Mason is six years old and has A.L.L. Mason is pictured directly in front of me. His Mother Catherine is seated next to him on the right side of the picture.

Please check out his website and leave Mason and his Mom, Catherine a word of encouragement or please pray for them.

http://mightymason.wordpress.com/2008/08/26/chemo-fever

Catherine is one of my teammates that I will be running with in the Denver marathon this fall.

Does Catherine want to run a marathon and spend time away from her Mason and her family? I would think that would not be her first choice. Does Catherine want to do everything possible as a Mother for her son? I have no doubt as to the answer to that question.

Mason just started kindergarten and is already missing school. This disease is so relentless, the toll on those we love and their families can't be measured.

I will be honored to be running with Catherine this fall, running for Mason, running to honor Kelly, Laiken and Patti's lives, running ever closer to a cure.

Catherine-I know you feel alone at times, you are not.

Mighty Mason, you rock!

Kelly-I love you, miss you so much. You will always be my hero!

Relentless for a cure!

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Happy reunion

I went riding with the TNT cycling team last Saturday and what a fun day it was.

I got to go riding with my TNT cycling coach from the 2003 season. It was so nice to see Gary again. Sometimes when you haven't seen someone for a long time, it is hard to pickup where you left off. I hadn't seen Gary since 2004 in Lake Tahoe and we didn't miss a beat. It was a great day.

Gary has such a love for the sport of cycling. We were about 5 miles or so into the ride and he pulled up alongside a very nice lady(Kathy) that is training for the Moab Century ride, introduced himself and immediately went from being out for a Saturday ride to being a coach. Once a coach, always a coach. I tried to get as close as I dared so I could benefit as well. We both got some great tips about stretching on the bike. I never knew you could do Yoga while you were on a bike. Gary showed us how to do a little backbend on the bike. How amazing.

It was such a neat experience. I had so much fun watching Gary at his best. I don't think Gary thought much about it. Kathy was so excited to have him reach out to help her.

Gary loved to watch over his flock, make sure they were safe and enjoying their experience. It just brought back such great memories for me.

We did about a 56 mile roundtrip ride from the REI store, up the Platte River bike path, through Chatfield State park and over to Deer Creek Canyon. Deer Creek has a pretty challenging climb, just a long slow steady grind that is much steeper than it looks. You don't realize how steep it is, until you start descending and then you are just smoking down the hill. I need a refresher about descending. I kind of miss out on the part that most cyclsits love, speeding down a hill that you have worked so hard to climb up. I think something is wrong with me. I would rather climb than descend.

The miles just flew by. I was kind of sad when I got back to the car and the ride was over.

I hope it isn't 4 more years before we go riding again.

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Unexpected happy news

In the middle of a perfectly awful day at work I got a totally unexpected e-mail from my former TNT cycling coach.

Gary Thompson was my TNT cycling coach during the 2003 spring season for Lake Tahoe's Most Beautfiul Bike Ride.

I remember at so many kickoff's the ovation he would receive from the returning alumni. After having the honor of training with Gary, I completely understood the feelings he evoked.

A couple of things stand out about Gary for me.

When Kelly relapsed in December 2000, I had sent an e-mail to the staff asking them to forward to the current particpants so Kelly could enjoy a birthday card shower. I had just spoken at a TNT info meeting a day after hearing the news that Kelly wasn't expected to live. I was heartbroken. Gary spoke to me after the meeting and told me he had sent Kelly a birthday card. Gary didn't know me or Kelly. He responded the only way he knew how, with compassion.

I don't know if any of the other coaches sent Kelly a card. Gary was the only coach there that evening that came over to talk to me. That said a lot to me.

I was so nervous when I started training, really felt like I was in over my head. Gary assured me that my background as a runner would serve me well for doing a century ride. He patiently worked with me and taught me how to change the rear tire and seat it properly.

When we would go and ride as a team, Gary would always stay with the weaker riders. He would sometimes ride for a brief time with the stronger riders, but his focus was on helping the riders that needed the most support and encouragement. I think the days that we rode 60 miles, Gary would ride 100, if it was 80, Gary would ride 120 doubling back to make sure all of the team made it up a steep hill or needed help fixing a flat or other mechanical issues.

Gary would always remind us before we started our ride of why we were doing this, how our challenges on the bike were minor compared to our team heroes. He would always read a mission moment before the ride.

Gary really helped me believe in myself. He taught me how to climb, to be patient, gave tips on how to descend safely. He was totally there for every rider. I have done 15 seasons with TNT and he is head and shoulders above the rest. A great coach, but an even greater person.

Gary left the chapter at the end of the season and moved to Las Vegas.

Much to my delight I found out today Gary had moved back to Colorado.

One of the best things about cycling is you get to spend so much time talking with your friends.

Welcome back, Gary. I can't wait to go riding again with you.

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Fun day

Here is my idea of a fun filled day.

To start my Saturday, I did a quick four mile run. Stopped at a Panera Bread to read the paper and hydrate for my next activity.

Drove over to meet the TNT Cycling group who are training for the Moab Century ride and rode with them to Golden and back(37 miles).

I have really enjoyed getting to ride with this group of people. They are all so nice. Cycling is so different than running. I love to run, that is still my favorite thing to do. It is the most simple sport. Just need your shoes and anyplace that looks interesting, in a matter of minutes you are off.

Cycling is much more social in nature. You wait for each other and certain spots on the ride, help out when someone has a mechanical problem. You can actually chat while you are riding. I know some people can do this while running, but I can't do this. Running is appealing for the solitude it offers, cycling offers much more camaraderie.

I probably got a chance to visit with at least half a dozen of the people during the ride. I rode back with a young girl(Megan) whose sister is an AML survivor. We chatted about a variety of things and the miles just flew by.

I think next year, I may have to try and do another TNT century ride. I had forgotten how much I enjoyed the social aspect of this sport. The other plus side of this sport is if you can stay upright in the saddle it is so much easier on your body.

Tomorrow for Father's day, I will get up early and do a twelve mile run. That is my idea of a great way to start the day.

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