Rocky

We had to take our poodle Rocky to the Vet this morning.  It was time to say goodbye and let him run free again with no pain in his legs.

Rocky came to live with us on November 11, 2001.  He was a show dog at heart.  We never showed him, but he had it in him.  Whenever he was out on a walk, and a person would approach he would change his gait and proudly began to prance.  He could be a ham.

He had such a sweet disposition.  He was a happy go lucky and at times a very ungraceful dog.  He could be quite athletic in one moment and then mistime his jump and end up doing a face plant.

Laura and Adam grew up from the teenage and pre teen years with Rocky.  This morning we all went together as a family to the vet.

We stayed with him the whole time during the procedure, never leaving his side.  It seemed to be the least we could do for him.

When Laura went out of state for her Freshman year in College, it really hit Rocky hard.  Every time when Laura would come home from college for a break, he was her shadow.  He would lay on her lap and lick her obsessively.  Even in this last year whenever she would come over to the house for a visit he would still perk up.

Rocky would wait up for Adam to come home from his radio gig at Mile High Sports or from a late night of working out at the gym and happily trundle downstairs to Adam's room.

I think Rocky was more Laura's and Adam's pet then he was ours.  How he loved his kids.

Rocky loved taking Adam to school in the morning, and loved it even more when he got to pick him up after school.  Rocky would always cry in the morning when Adam would get out of the car.

Rocky loved going to the Furry Scurry in May.  We have many happy memories of Rocky as he would make many new "friends" during the annual two mile walk.

Rocky takes on the obstacle course at the 2008 Furry Scurry

Rocky loved the first snow of every year and would happily bound into the snow.

It was so hard to have to say goodbye to Rocky.  I shed many tears last night and I know that are more tears to shed.  I am okay with that.  I love Rocky and that love doesn't stop with his passing.

I am so grateful for the thirteen years that we were blessed to have Rocky share his life and love with us.

Go chase those bunnies now!  I love you Rocky!!!

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Dreaming of Kelly

I had the most amazing dream the other night.

I was in a room full of people, I don't know who they were.

Kelly walked into this room.  Kelly was 25 years old in my dream.  She looked amazing.

I ran over and hugged her and fell into her arms crying.

"Why are you crying?", she asked me in wonderment.

"I am so happy to see you", I told her.

I looked around the room for a familiar face, for the people who would know, who would understand what Kelly meant to me.

There was no one in the room with me who knew who Kelly was for me.  I so wanted to find someone and tell them this is Kelly.

The alarm went off on Sue's I-phone.  I couldn't get back to my dream.

What did this dream mean?  I haven't had a dream about Kelly in such a long time and in this dream she was alive, vibrant.  This was the Kelly I knew while she was alive.

The last month since I have been home from Austin has been very difficult for me.  I am dealing with the aftermath of a blood clot in my left leg.  I have felt discouraged after completing the web training in Austin.  I have felt sad, lonely.

Kelly has always known when I most need her and even now she found a way to reach out to me, to touch and comfort me beyond the portals of time.

In love and gratitude for Kelly Melissa Sandra Grubb.

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Kelly, Abby and Eeyore

Relay for Life is this Friday in Cut Bank, Montana.  Kelly's Aunt Linda made this luminary for me for the event this week.

Aunt Linda sent me this to me yesterday, oh how my heart soared and ached when I saw Kelly.

It has been over five years since Kelly passed.  I still miss her every day.

I am forever grateful for the nine years I was able to run for her, to spend time with her, to be inspired by who she was for me.

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At a loss for words

Today I learned that a dear friend of mine is under hospice care.  She has been battling stage four cancer of the liver and intestines since being diagnosed three days before Christmas in 2011.

The last time Laura and I saw Potts she was volunteering at a 5K road race.  Her battle with cancer hadn't stopped her from her love of volunteering, from coming out and supporting all of the runners she loves and those who love her fiercely in return.

Laura showed Potts her engagement ring and Potts sweetly stated she wanted to come to Laura's wedding and be a stand for her marriage to Chris.

I don't know if there is anyway that she will be able to come and I know without a doubt if she is able she will be there.

So Potts, here's to you.  The kindness you have shown to Laura and my family has mattered greatly to me.  You have made a difference in our lives.

I love you and am sending love and light and prayers your way.

In love and gratitude....

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A father's worth

I thought this was a wonderful story written by Cynthia Occelli who grew up without a father.

"A child secure in their father’s steadfast care and provision moves through the world wearing an energetic cloak of confidence and protection.

A father is the model of a man to his sons and his daughter’s first love.

We need him."~Cynthia Occelli

So on this father's day I want a send a shout out to my Dad, for taking me to Bronco games and shivering in the old east stands at Mile High Stadium when they would lose to Kansas City 56-3, buying me my first bowling ball at Monaco Lanes, teaching me how to build something with my hands, for teaching me how to work hard and to not quit on myself.

And to all the father's that would swim as far as needed in any storm for their children.

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Light and Love and meeting a friend

I finally got to meet one of my favorite people in the world last week. A special friend, a special person.

Our paths almost crossed in London a year ago.  We both saw Les Miserables, one night apart.  We were both in the London Theater district for two nights, different plays, different theater's. Over 5,000 miles from home and we were probably one minute, one turn from bumping into each other.

We didn't realize we were both in London until after I left for Paris.

A friendship that began when my friend clicked on a link written by another friend about Kelly's passing at the age of 19.

Kelly with her transplant donor, Emily.  February 2008.

She  wrote my friend to get my e-mail address.  She wrote to ask me if she could wear Kelly's name on the back of her Team in Training jersey for a marathon she would run in October.  I found her e-mail in my inbox the morning we got home from Cut Bank, after laying Kelly to rest. 

We became good friends, sharing a bond of love for our team heroes, our angels.  Shared a dream of a world without blood cancer.

Shayna and Cathie at Team In Training Inspiration Dinner

Shayna's team hero Laiken passed away 37 days after Kelly at the age of 13.

Kelly and Laiken are our connectors.

The tag line at the end of every post  on my blog ends with Light and Love x 19 x forever.  Light and Love is Shayna's tag line. I borrowed it.

When we write to each other, we end with Light and Love x 13 or Light and Love x 19,  always end with Light and Love for Laiken and Kelly, for each other.

We have been waiting over four years to be able to hug each other.  Shanya was on an epic road trip with her son, California to Chicago and points beyond.  Denver was one of their stops.  She took the time to call me.

I can't describe the what I felt when as we were finally able embrace.  It was worth the wait, a hug filled with tears and laughter.

We talked for almost two hours.  I savored every moment, not wanting to say good-bye.

Thank you Shayna for your friendship and the love and light you bring to my life x 13 x 19 x forever!

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Who is your light saber?

Do you have a Jedi knight in your life?  

Who carries a light saber for you? 

In the Star Wars trilogy there is much talk about the power of the force, especially the dark side.  

What does the light saber symbolize?   

To me it represents power.   Light side Jedi knights use their power to help others.   The light saber is used to defend, not to attack.  It is only used for good.

“You can’t win, Darth. Strike me down, and I will become more powerful than you could possibly imagine.”~ Obi Wan Kenobi

This is my favorite line from any of the Star Wars movies.  I replace the word Darth, with cancer. That is my message to cancer, from Kelly.  Cancer never wins.  Kelly's life is so powerful....

In an epic battle between good and evil, a lightsaber climax ensues between Darth Vader, and his former teacher.  Obi Wan understood the power of the force and  illustrates the inherent weakness of the dark side of the force, that in using it for evil, they fail to see its true power.

When I first talked to Cassandra about running as a woman of the year candidate for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society, I gave her a blood cancer freedom fighter rock that was left over from when Laura and I ran the Paris marathon for Kelly. 

The word on the back of the rock was "powerful".  I asked Cassie to pick up her light saber, to be a global voice for a world without blood cancers.  I knew she would be a powerful advocate for this cause. 

Inspiring messages from the Rock Fairy

I have no doubt that Cassandra would use her light saber to protect and defend Taylor and Jack, the girl and boy of the year for  the Rocky Mountain chapter. 

Taylor, Cassandra, and Jack at the grand finale. 

And for the last ten weeks of her campaign and in the weeks leading up to it that is exactly what she has done.  She has stood for the possibility of a world without blood cancers, a world for Taylor and Jack to live in. 

She has used her light saber to defend Taylor and Jack against the evil and unrelenting nature of cancer. 

The dark side of of cancer will attempt to discourage those that take up the fight. 

I think this would be Cassandra's message to cancer as she begins a new chapter in her life as a blood cancer freedom fighter.  

"Never. I'll never turn to the dark side.  I'll never give up. You've failed.  I am a Jedi, like the freedom fighters before me.

2011 Woman of the Year candidate, Catherine(16,far left) with Cassandra

Never Ever Give Up!

My message to Cassandra is one of heartfelt gratitude for honoring the possibility that we can live in a world without blood cancer, that we can all make a difference for one another. 

Thank you for being my  light saber, for becoming a powerful ally in the fight against blood cancers. 

Thank you for your friendship, for your support, for being a stand for my life. 

For me, you will forever be the 2012 Leukemia and Lymphoma Society's Woman of the Year.

My Woman of the Year!!!

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Be Grateful

Today I am grateful for the opportunity to practice playing at 100% in my life, having the opportunity to co-create something in my life that I feel passionate about.

So for now, the question that guides me is this.  Is this choice moving me in the direction of my passion?

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9/11

It has been nine years since the fabric of our country was forever changed by the terrorist attacks in New York city, Washington D.C and a field in Pennsylvania.

I ran the 9/11 Remembrance Run - America Goes the Distance 10 mile race this morning.

I added 1.09 miles so I ran 11.09 miles on 09/11.

After the race, we had the opportunity to write a message to the troops that are deployed overseas.

That was a really powerful experience to be able to give thanks to those who protect our freedoms, those who stand for our country, our way of life.

What words can properly convey the gratitude to those men and women who serve our country? 

Shortly after 9/11,  we watched young men and women pledge their honor to our country at Mile High Stadium as they were inducted into the armed forces.

I wonder if these young people are still in the military, serving our country.

Tonight Sue, Laura and I had dinner at Big Bill's Pizza.  Every since 9/11 Bill has donated all of the proceeds for the day to a charity. 

For Bill and his staff, this is a day to never forget and it is a day of giving.

His entire staff works for free on this day.

Last year Bill and his staff raised 55,000 for cancer research.

Please check out this excellent article from Patti Digh and take some time to remember the lives that were lost and the hearts that were broken on this day nine years ago.

"Let's roll."-Todd Beamer, passenger on United Airlines flight #93.

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Rushing and missing the moment

As I was leaving the office for my final time last month, two of  my friends walked me out to my car to say goodbye.

We hugged one another for the last time and one of my friends gave me a gift.

Rushed through the moment.

My friend told me that she loved me.

I should have stopped to really take that in and celebrate her gift.

She truly has been a good friend.

She has had my back at work for 15 years.

Someone that I really admire and respect. 

Someone I could talk to about anything.

She was one of the first people I talked to at work the day Kelly died, fell in her arms and cried.

Bummer.  I missed it.

I can't have that moment back.

I will be sure and really thank her the next time I see her.  Tell her how much her words touched me.

I hope the next time I get a gift like this I stop and savor it and really be present to the moment.

How do you  respond when someone tells you that you are loved, that you are special?

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Spinning & Connecting with Kelly

I finally got back on my bike today.

I woke up early this morning as I just routinely moved my leg only to feel like my calf was exploding. I haven't had an episode like that for a long time. The pain is unbelievable. I was barely able to walk for a couple of hours.

Luckily, today was a cycling day, not a running day.

I procrastinated for as long as I could. I didn't want to go riding today.

I had to get back on my bike. Ever since I wrecked my bike almost 3 weeks ago, I just have not wanted to ride.

The Moab Century is in two weeks so if I didn't get out on the bike today, I might as well give up on going.

I ended up tricking myself into a 54+ mile bike ride. I told myself I would go for 20-30 and do a long ride again tomorrow.

I actually felt much better today than I thought I was going to.

I never shifted out of the middle ring on my bike. I was determined to try and spin today instead of mashing.

It worked. I rarely got out of the saddle today and the few times I did today it was more just to change my position on the bike. When I did stand, I kept my cadence high.

I didn't do a lot of climbing today. I just didn't feel like I could go from zero miles to 50-60 miles and ask my body to do much climbing.

I desperately needed some success on the bike. The pratfall and the freak accident had really shaken my confidence.

Today I gave myself a chance to succeed. The focus was on feeling, a way of being, not on the outcome, how far or how fast.

The unexpected bonus for me was how I felt totally connected with Kelly today. It is so much easier for me to run or ride when I feel her presence with me. Today, I totally felt that connection with her. The miles flew by. It was like a dream that I did not want to wake up from.
I felt content, peaceful. We were together again, like we have been so many times before.

It was the best day I have had on the bike in a long time. Riding with and for my hero.

Grateful for her life and for the love that lives on in my heart.

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Alone in my thoughts

I laid in bed on Saturday morning, pretending I was deciding between driving down to Colorado Springs to ride with the TNT group or whether to join the Denver team instead.

I think I had really decided the night before I was going to ride by myself as I watched the clock relentlessly move forward. I was awake at 4:00 am. I could have easily driven down to Colorado Springs. Soon that was no longer an option, I couldn't get down there in time. I repeated the process and soon the Denver ride was no longer an option.

I got up, got dressed, applied my sunscreen and headed out the door. I had no idea where I was headed. I was winging it.

I really wanted to be alone in my thoughts today. Wednesday morning, my wife's mother passed away at 4:45 in the morning.

This was the first of our parents to leave us. While her passing was not unexpected and in some ways a blessing as Sheri had been in considerable pain for a long time. Still....

I have a much harder time on the bike finding that place of nothingness, that I can reach when I run for a long time.

I craved that alone time. I had gone to my cave, to ponder, to wonder again.

I rode on looking for answers, looking for peace, looking for forgiveness.

Sheri passed away Wednesday morning surrounded by her three children She waited for one of her children to arrive. Her breathing was very labored, as she continued to fight.

Laura, Adam and I passed Rick(Sue's Brother) as he hurried to join Sue and Jim in ICU.

Sue said as soon as Rick arrived in the room, her breathing became shallow, peaceful. She probably drew ten more breaths and she was gone. She waited for all of her children, so she could be at peace, so they could be at peace...

Sheri and I were never close. Now she is gone. Where do I go with that?

I rode on, looking for an answer.

At times, I thought about the reason I am on the bike, why I choose to ride, who I ride for.



Thoughts of Brittany and Trista, Alyson and my other heroes, my angels, Kelly, Laiken, Melina are never far away.


I realized that today, I was riding for Sheri for the gifts she brought to my life. For that I can never say thank you enough for your daughter , for my children, for the hand print you have left on our hearts.


This is one of my favorite songs as it can apply to any relationship and the language of saying goodbye to those that have touched our lives.

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Thankful Thursday: Running with Keegan

Thursday morning, I proclaimed as Thankful Thursday and posted my status message on Twitter :

Good morning. It is thankful Thursday. What three things are you thankful for today?

I got an immediate reply from a friend of mine and even got a retweet of the message. That is prestigious in Twitter land when someone reposts a message! My day was off to a good start.

I got my first run of the year in pushing my great nephew Keegan(2 1/2 years old) in the baby jogger on Thursday.

Wow, just like all of my runs have been this year, it is so much harder than it was a year ago. Keegan is a lot bigger than he was last fall.

I can't believe a year ago, I could push Keegan up some really steep hills at the Slattery 5K runs.

The Irish Snug runs are really tame compared to Slattery's and it was just totally exhausting physcially, but a lot of fun to be able to spend time with the "Krazy baby" as my daughter Laura would say.

He fussed just for a moment at the start when I left ahead of Laura, his mother(Kristin) and a friend of Laura's from high school(Michelle).

Once we got going he was fine. He kept asking where La La was. That is what he calls Laura. I kept telling him that she was right behind us and that she had to stop and tie her shoe. Silly, La La.

We saw lots of puppies, which he always likes and the highlight of the run was when Keegan saw a helicopter. He was quite excited to tell La La all about the helicopter when we got back to the Irish Snug. Keegan now knows how to make the sound of a helicopter rotor. It was really funny.

My three things that I was thankful for on Thursday:

My Family
My friends
Running with a Krazy baby!

My goal is to post a Thankful Thursday column each week.

I need to be mindful of all of the things I have to be grateful for.

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