Sunday, July 26, 2009

Alone in my thoughts

I laid in bed on Saturday morning, pretending I was deciding between driving down to Colorado Springs to ride with the TNT group or whether to join the Denver team instead.

I think I had really decided the night before I was going to ride by myself as I watched the clock relentlessly move forward. I was awake at 4:00 am. I could have easily driven down to Colorado Springs. Soon that was no longer an option, I couldn't get down there in time. I repeated the process and soon the Denver ride was no longer an option.

I got up, got dressed, applied my sunscreen and headed out the door. I had no idea where I was headed. I was winging it.

I really wanted to be alone in my thoughts today. Wednesday morning, my wife's mother passed away at 4:45 in the morning.

This was the first of our parents to leave us. While her passing was not unexpected and in some ways a blessing as Sheri had been in considerable pain for a long time. Still....

I have a much harder time on the bike finding that place of nothingness, that I can reach when I run for a long time.

I craved that alone time. I had gone to my cave, to ponder, to wonder again.

I rode on looking for answers, looking for peace, looking for forgiveness.

Sheri passed away Wednesday morning surrounded by her three children She waited for one of her children to arrive. Her breathing was very labored, as she continued to fight.

Laura, Adam and I passed Rick(Sue's Brother) as he hurried to join Sue and Jim in ICU.

Sue said as soon as Rick arrived in the room, her breathing became shallow, peaceful. She probably drew ten more breaths and she was gone. She waited for all of her children, so she could be at peace, so they could be at peace...

Sheri and I were never close. Now she is gone. Where do I go with that?

I rode on, looking for an answer.

At times, I thought about the reason I am on the bike, why I choose to ride, who I ride for.

Thoughts of Brittany and Trista, Alyson and my other heroes, my angels, Kelly, Laiken, Melina are never far away.

I realized that today, I was riding for Sheri for the gifts she brought to my life. For that I can never say thank you enough for your daughter , for my children, for the hand print you have left on our hearts.

This is one of my favorite songs as it can apply to any relationship and the language of saying goodbye to those that have touched our lives.


  1. Ross,
    I am so sorry to hear about Sue's mom! Sending peace and comforting thoughts to all.

  2. Sarah,

    Thank you for your kindness and words of support.

  3. That was so touching. Thank you so much for your love and support during this difficult time. I couldn't have gotten through this without you. You are my rock, my anchor and my 'person'.

    love you always,

    your wife

  4. I understand why you'd want some time to be alone with your thoughts. I'm so so sorry for your loss. Although she might have been in pain before her death, it's still a loss for those still here.

  5. I had a bunch of things I wanted to say, but as I read Sue's comment here, I am just speechless.

    That is so touching.

    Light and Love to you all. Please tell Sue that I'm so sorry.