January book review

One of my goals for this year was to read a book each month and then write a short review about it.

I found this to be a difficult book to read.  I had to put it down several times.  Anyone growing up in a family may may see glimpses of their own experience within the pages of this novel.

The book stirred uncomfortable memories of my childhood.  Brought fears to the surface about what I perceived as my shortcomings as a father.  Was I a ghost to my children?

"It's the things a family is silent about that say more than what they talk about all the time."~Scott Berkun

The author paints a powerful picture of the dysfunction in his family, the longing he had to understand who his father was, the choices that he had made.

Someone once told me that when you are born your parents give you two gifts.  They take a picture of you and then they give you an evaluation of that picture.  This author spent much of his life, seeking the evaluation of that picture from his Father.

I felt conflicted as the book ended.  I had hoped for a different outcome, but this was real life.

I would recommend reading this book, but would advise anyone reading it to be prepared to feel uncomfortable and to be open to the possibility of choosing something new for yourself.

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Small Kindness Blogsplash

Kindness is a Very Good Thing. Even teensy compassionate acts help the world go round. Let's celebrate these Small Kindnesses. Fiona Robyn's  novel 'Small Kindnesses' will be free on Tuesday the 27th, and people around the globe will be writing about our own small kindness on our blogs or elsewhere - will you join and and help spread your kindness with the world?

Click here to get a free copy of Fiona's book today on Amazon. 

Thanks for Fiona and Kaspa from Writing our Way Home for creating this event for a world that needs more kindness. 

My kindness story begins with my decision to run a marathon for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society in 1999.  It was a decision that has greatly influenced and changed the course of my life. 

There are many stories of kindness that are weaved into the fabric of my journey and of course it starts with Kelly and there is so much more to this story of kindness. 

This was part of a slow awakening for me and looking back now it was the beginning of a yearning I had to be more, to love more.  The climb up the corporate ladder had lost it luster for me.  There had to be more.  Someone had told me years ago, that everyone needs a purpose larger that is larger than yourself. 

I found a new purpose through Kelly's battle with Leukemia and along the way, I reconnected with my family and became part of Kelly's family. 

This was a kindness I had never experienced before.  Kelly and her family(Don, Patty, Marci, Molly, Rose, Aunt Linda and Uncle Bill) opened their hearts, homes and lives to me.

I was embraced by this amazing, loving family.  Their love has been such a blessing in my life. 

The day I got back to Colorado after laying Kelly to rest, I was blessed to make a new friend who reached out to comfort me after reading about Kelly's passing.  I finally had the honor of meeting Shayna in person last summer after corresponding for four years. 

When Laura and I were training for the Paris marathon in 2011, I reached out to Kim Mailhot, aka the Rock Fairy to ask about having her make one hundred rocks that we could give as a keepsake to those who donated to our fund raising efforts for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society.  To my utter amazement Kim donated her time and talent in making these for us.  The following year I asked Kim if she could make 1,000 rocks to help with another fundraising campaign and again Kim donated her time and talents with a help of a few other fairies.  You can read more about the Rock Fairy by clicking here. 

Blood Cancer Freedom Fighter Rocks

Late last year, I reached out to a friend of mine and asked her to run as a Woman of the year candidate for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. Cassi reminds me a lot of Kelly in the way she lives her life.  She is a very kind and loving person.  Oh and Cassi ran for Woman of the Year when she was 15 years old!

Cassie with Taylor and Jack at Grand Finale

I would be remiss if I didn't acknowledge my children Laura and Adam for the ongoing kindness they bring to me every day, and my wife Sue  for the last 30 years of the kindness she has brought to my life.  I know her single wish for me is to be happy and she has patiently planted and nurtured that seed with love in only the way that she can in this incredibly journey.  

A family of runners in San Francisco 

So on this day of the kindness blog splash I send my thanks to each of you that have shared your kindness and touched my life, opened my eyes and my heart. 

In love and gratitude. 
  

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With great love for Laura and her Kitty

Paws

A sad day for the Kinney's.

Laura's kitty died today.  She was 16 years old.

She had been abandoned when she was a kitten.  I am not sure if she ever got over that trauma.

It is never easy to lose a pet, no matter how prepared you think you might be for that day to come.

To my daughter Laura who endured many scratches and bites on her arms when Paws would decide she had been petted long enough.

You gave her a home, a life she wouldn't have had.  You filled her life with love and she loved you.  You were her favorite.  I don't think anyone could have loved her more than you did.

To the day when you meet her again at the Rainbow Bridge.

I love you  ♥

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Living the dream

Twenty two years ago on June 29,  I became a father for the second time.

I hope someday that I will be as good of a man as my son is.

Wrigley Field Tour, June 2012

When Adam graduated from high school one of his dreams was to either pursue an acting career on Broadway or pursue a career in sports broadcasting.  One of Adam's dreams was to someday be on Sports Center and replace Chris Berman.  Look out Boomer! He could go all the waaaaayyyyyyy!

I have watched with pride and amazement as Adam has begun to live his dream at the age of 22.   Adam is a co-host of a local radio show, Denver Sports Nation on Mile High Sports(1510 AM, 93.7 FM) on Saturday nights from 5-8.

Next week he and his partner Dario will fill in for Mac and Doog during drive time(3-6) on July 5 and July 6.

During one of their shows they will be joined by  two time Super Bowl winner and the Denver Broncos greatest running back in the history of the franchise, Terell Davis!  How cool is that?

If you haven't had a chance to check out their show, please tune in some time.  Adam and Dario have great on-air chemistry.  They are funny and they are having so much fun doing something they love.

Happy Birthday Adam!  I am so proud of you for the person you are and I am so inspired that you are living your dream and making it happen.

"Follow your bliss and the Universe will open doors where there were only walls."-Joesph Campbell

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Thank Heaven for my little girl

Dear Laura,

Twenty five years ago today, you came into our lives.

A day much like today.  Blue skies.

I played 9 holes of golf with my Dad that morning.

Today I went for a run not far from where I played golf that morning.

Your mommy and I were at the medical center this morning where you were born.  Strange, somewhat similar and so much has changed.

We live in the same house that we did when you were born.

Mommy and I lived with there with our dog Erin and our cat Shasta.  She was a friendly kitty.  Imagine that.

Today we had lunch at East Cafe, a birthday cake at home with 25 candles.

You blew them all out with ease.

23 years ago, we lit the candles over and over again and sang Happy Birthday to you.  You would blow out the candles, clap your hand and say "Do again."

So we did.

Many times.

Memories of that moment, etched into my mind forever.

Adam graduated from high school when you turned 21.

Reenacting the FAU Tipsy Table :)

You actually ran a 5K on your birthday when you were 23.  Yes, you did!  I looked it up.

Thank goodness, Vicki tricked you into running your first Bolder Boulder the year before.

Two years later we ran a marathon in Paris together.

I have lost track of all of the 5K's we have run together and each one is a special memory.

Swim meets beginning at the Aurora YMCA.  Who knew what that that first summer of swimming would bring to your life?

So many high school and MACS swim meets.  Hours spent at the pool to watch you compete for 1 to 2 minutes.

Holding my breath watching you race against the clock to get your sectional qualifying times.

I can't swim 15 yards of butterfly.  You could slice through the water, looking so fluid and powerful.  Wow, what a pair of shoulders you had.

I remember riding our bikes all the way past the Paul Beck Center when you were a little girl.  We rode over 20 miles that day.  You always were a distance athlete.

Now I can't keep up with you on the bike.

Do you remember your first Bronco game?   I think it was in 1994 or 1995 against the Atlanta Falcons. Would anyone be surprised to know you wore a pink coat to the game?

We have gone to Yoga classes together.

We watched Kelly graduate from high school together.

It has been seven years since you graduated from high school.  Almost seven years since sob fest of 2005.

Seven years since you ran a 5K in San Francisco in the only flat spot in the city and couldn't walk the next day.

We watched this movie the night before you left for your freshman year in college. We used to joke about this line from the movie, "you have a daughter?"  Well we thought it was funny.  I think you would roll your eyes.

Thank heaven for little girls
Thank heaven for them all
No matter where
No matter who
Without them
What would  little boys  their daddy's do?

I am so proud of the person you are and have always been.  I am blessed that you are my daughter as well as my friend.

I love you.

Happy Birthday on your special day.  Now no jumping from moving objects this year :)  K?  K!!!

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Endings

Write about endings.

Interpret that prompt however you would like.

That is the homework from a couple of days ago.  I am not writing at all about what I thought I would and this has sat in my drafts folder.  When I started this writing classes, one of my commitments was to write and publish and not judge whether it was good or not.

I was involved in a hit and run over six months ago.  The person that rear ended my car, thought about it for a minute and decided to drive away.  My car was totaled and tomorrow at some point a tow truck driver will come and pick up my car and drive away with years of memories. 

Laura and Adam both learned how to drive in my car.  They preferred the Chevrolet Malibu to Sue's car. 

There were three road trips to Cut Bank, Montana in the Malibu.  

A trip in March 2006 with Adam, for Kelly's prom in her junior year.  What a trip that was and so many precious memories.   My profile picture on Facebook, Twitter and this blog is from that trip.  Nine months later Kelly's  cancer returned. 

A trip with Laura in 2007 for Kelly's high school graduation.  A day filled with so much emotion as we watched Kelly walk with her class and receive her diploma. 

A final trip to Cut Bank in March 2008 with the Sue, Laura and Adam to lay Kelly to rest. 

Maybe I am writing about my car because it is easier then it would be to write about other endings. 

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10 minutes to live: Write accordingly!

I am participating in an on-line writing class.  Every day we get a writing prompt and we are too write for 10 minutes each day.  Write as if our hair is on fire.  We write on a lunch sack with a sharpie.  That is our blank canvas to fill, front and back.  Some are writing on the sides as well, using the margin. 


The prompt for Sunday.   You have 10 minutes to live.  Write on your bag everything you need to say in those 10 minutes.


I must confess, I cheated.  I wrote for more than 10 minutes.  I didn't want to stop.  So little time, so much to say. 



I know that is not how life works.  Most are probably not be able to say, "wait, I need more time, come back for me later."


As I began to run out of time and room on my canvas, I felt really sad.  Not from a sense of regret about the life I have lived, but in that I didn't always tell the people in my life how much I loved them, they mattered to me.  I had left things unsaid. 


I found out in the wee hours this morning that my son's store was robbed last night.  He is okay.  I get to celebrate that and will be able to tell him that I love him.   I get another chance.   


I wrote about my family, my family as I grew up and the one wild and precious life as a family that I have been blessed to have with Sue, Laura and Adam. 


I didn't write from regret.  I wrote about good memories, a life I was grateful for. 


Going to Bronco games with my Dad when you couldn't give your tickets away, they were that bad.  Stomping our feet in the old portable East Stands at Mile High Stadium.  That was true Rocky Mountain Thunder.  


Leaving a Bronco game early when Lou Saban fired Floyd Little during the game, hearing the roar of the crowd knowing something magical had happened.  We had to wait to get to the car to find out what had happened. 


I learned how to work hard from my Dad.  Thank you. 


When Laura was a baby, my Dad would take to her to "Swing, slide" park and push her in the swing for an hour.  If she started to cry when he would try and take her out of the swing, he would continue to push her in the swing. 


Coming home from school when we lived in Castle Rock, I think I was in 3rd grade and my mother had bought a toy robot(Herman the Robot).  This was during the Lost in Space era.  She lovingly made Herman some overalls.  I loved that robot! 


As Laura and Adam grew up, there were swim meets, PTA reflection contests, middle school and high school plays.  My mom was always a source of love,  constancy in Laura and Adam's life.


Memories of sledding in Castle Rock with my sister Jan, taking turns going down the hill next to our elementary school.


Sunday night, coming to your bedroom to  "Gawk".  I have no idea how that started.


Treasured memories of time you spent with Laura and Adam as the worlds coolest Aunt.  


Sue, thank you for the life you gave me, the life before Laura and Adam and the life we shared as a family.   You are my best friend, a constant source of faith and love.   You make my heart leap! It has been a great honor that you chose to share your life with me and I am forever grateful for that gift. 


Pizza hut on Friday nights when we first got married, Chicken A' la Sue, walking up the Crookedest street in the world on our honeymoon, taking the kids to Disney World,  riding the cable car in San Francisco with Laura and Adam in 2000.  Things that you say and do that make me laugh.   "How is a person to know" to start our trip to New York.  The infamous incident at the Paris marathon expo.


Laura and Adam, "you are the best of my life."  Who says that, what's that from?


I treasure the memories of many swim meets, trips to Seattle for sectionals. Watching you compete at something you loved so much. You became my reluctant running partner and the trips to the starting lines and driving back home, moments that have meant so much to me.


Driving halfway to the Georgetown 1/2 marathon only to discover you only had one shoe. 


Having you tie my shoe in a clown bow at the end of my first marathon in San Diego and running a marathon with you 12 years later in Paris. 


Getting to be your friend as an adult.  An intention from Sobfest 2005. 


Adam-Broncos, Nuggets, Rockies games.  


Going to Disneyland with you and Kelly's family in 2001.  A memory I will always treasure. 


Ragtime, three magical days for me.  Hearing your voice resonating during the prologue.
  
Tender, touching moments that moved the audience. 


The search for the elusive clean game in bowling. 


Seeing you pound the ball past me on the golf course.


Getting to be your friend as an adult. 


Laura and Adam, "you are the best of my life."  Who says that, what's that from?


I have treasured my life with you. I am so honored that you are my children and that we are the best of friends.


To my family, I love you all and I am so grateful to you for the life you shared with me. 

This was really an emotional exercise for me and it really made me present to something I am not always present to. 


So to rewrite a line from my wife's favorite movies:

Clarence "You see Ross, you really had a wonderful life."


Clarence "Strange isn't. Each man's life touches so many other lives. When he isn't around he leaves an awful hole doesn't he?"

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Laura's birthday present to me on her birthday.

I got the nicest birthday present possible from Laura on her birthday.

An inviation to go run on 5K.  We drove up to Flatrions for the Bolder Boulder Flat Out 5K.  This is a qualifying race for the Bolder Boulder 10K road race on Memorial Day.

At the end of the race, you are seeded into the appropriate qualifying wave.

I hadn't done any training for this race, hadn't run for 12 days.  I told Laura as we were driving up that we had changed identities.   When Laura swam competitively her only training for 5K road races was the prior 5K race which could be weeks or months apart.

When you are a teenager and have a fantastic aerobic engine, one might get away with that kind of a training plan.  For me, it doesn't work so well.  Duh...

The flat out 5K is not really flat, but you are supposed to run flat out, at 100%.  Now I can sometimes run at 100% for the final .1 of the race, but through either very poor design or a sadisc race director the last .1 mile is all uphill.  There were two people in front of me that I might have been able to pass if I was willing to pay the price and suffer.  I opted out as my left brain told me it would hurt too much.  It isn't worth the effort. 

I crossed the finish line and was handed a card that told me I had qualified for the ED wave. At least I got into a qualifying wave.  

As we waited in line to register there was a young boy, I am guessing who was about 6 that had the same color coded card as me :)  I will never get a big head about my running abilities.

It was a fun morning for me to spend time with my little girl this way.

Laura, I am so proud of you.

You are the only person I know that has friends from the age of about 18 months, two year olds, 3 year olds, 5 year olds that all fight over you, cry when they can't sit next to you. 

I love how you play all out with your kids at Kids Club and come home with bruises on your knees from chasing after them.

So to my running and roadie buddy, I look forward to many more runs and rides with you, having fun,  playing all out.

Happy Birthday, little girl.

I love you :)

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Aunt Joy

My Mother's sister, Joy Monahan passed away early this morning.

Aunt Joy had a very aggressive form of bladder cancer which had spread to other parts of her body.

Joy was reunited this morning with her parents, Frank and Rose and her son Jim who died in a plane accident on labor day in 2008.

When Laura went to college in Florida during her freshman year, it was a great comfort that we had relatives to look out for her.

That was the last time I saw Aunt Joy was on the road trip to Boca Raton.

After hurricane Wilma  closed the Florida Atlantic campus in 2005, Laura and Nate had a safe place to go to.

I went out to dinner tonight and was reading a book, Life is a Verb by Patti Digh.  Most of the time as I have been reading this book, I have felt very uplifted and tonight as I was reading, I had tears streaming down my face.  I wonder what my waitress was thinking...

So tonight my heart aches again for the communal sense of sorrow that cancer brings to us. 

Next week will mark the two year anniversary of Laiken's passing. 

Four weeks ago today, marked the two year anniversary of Kelly's passing.

A long forgotten memory of Aunt Joy popped into my mind tonight. 

We were spending the night at my Uncle's house and if I remember this correctly, my cousin Jim somehow accidentally popped a ballon that we were playing with.

And for some reason, I sobbed uncontrollably over that. 

Aunt Joy just sat on the edge of the couch talking to me, soothing me.  I remember she sat there patiently rubbing my back.  I am sure she had no idea why this had set me off and as a Mother she knew what I needed. 

She just sat with me and continued to rub my shoulders and back until I fell asleep.  A simple act of love and compassion. 

We never talked about it after that night. 

40 plus years later, I am grateful for the love she showed me that night.

"I will not die an unlived life....I choose to inhabit my days, to allow my living to open me...I choose to risk my significance". -Dawna Markova

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LLS Man/Woman of the Year Midway rally

I went to the Rocky Mountain Chapter Man/Woman of the year mid year rally tonight after work.

We got to meet the boy and girl of the year.  They are the reason, the inspiration for the men and woman who are putting themselves on the line.

This is one of many of the signature fund raising campaigns for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society.

This is a 10 week contest where each candidate runs to become the man and woman of the year and every dollar that is raised counts as a vote.  The candidate with the most votes($$$) wins.

It was a nice night.  I got to chat with the Mom and sister of the former boy of the year Robert.  Robert's sister Cassandra is running in honor of Robert this year.

How awesome is that for both of them.

This was a night full of hope, determination, inspiration, commitment.

When I got home I read an email from my Mother. 

Cancer struck once again in our family.

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Cycling and Family traditions

Laura and I went for a bike ride this afternoon.

When Laura was a young girl, we did a 20 mile bike ride. Laura had a 3 speed bike.  I had an old Schwinn 12 speed bike.

Things are quite different now.

We rode 26.5 miles today and tonight I am sore and tired.  I think Laura is going to be an awesome triathlete.

She has the huge advantage of being able to swim.  That seems to be the weakest link in the chain for most people when they move to that sport.

I spent most of the ride today, trying to grab her rear wheel and by the time I would finally catch up to her, my legs were screaming. 

Tonight Sue made one of our family favorite meals, "Chicken A La Sue". 

Laura had a tiny helping of mashed potatoes for dinner tonight.

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Tutu

Tutu is actually samoan or something other than Hawaiian - But, it is used in Hawaii very frequently; it is a respectful way to say grandma.

Sue's grandmother passed away earlier today at the age of 93.  She was living in Hawaii when her first grandchild was going to be born.   She told everybody that she was going to be a Tutu(Grandmother) and that name stuck. 

Everyone called her Tutu.

When I first met Tutu in 1982, she was excited about going moose hunting in Alaska.  She was 65 and I thought she was pretty hip.

I found out today that it was a well kept family secret that while Tutu loved to go hunting, she was a terrible shot so the moose were in little danger of her.

Tutu loved her family and as the matriarch of the family would beam proudly at her ever glowing clan and say to everyone, "Look what I started".

So Tutu, I want to thank you for the incredible family you started.  I am honored to be married to one of your granddaughters, and have been blessed to raise two of your great grandchidren.

Tutu is surived by her daughter Shirley, seven grandchildren, 11 great grandchildren and one great-great Krazy baby.

I hope she finds some good hunting and fishing with her husband Henry and her daughter Sherri.

Aloha Tutu...

A, ala, watchful, alertness


L, lokahi, working with unity

O, oia'i'o, truthful honesty

H, ha'aha'a, humility

A, ahonui, patient perseverance

The kahuna David Bray interprets this code as "Come forward, be in unity and harmony with your real self, God, and mankind. Be honest, truthful, patient, kind to all life forms, and humble." He also stated that to the Hawaiian of old, Aloha meant "God in us."

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How has your life been touched or changed by cancer?

I had posed this question in my post titled Wishing for a Kure.  I asked my Mother if I could share her response.  I didn't want to post it as a reply as I felt it deserved it's own post.  It is a compelling  and frightening story of the impact of cancer that my Mother has experienced just within her family. 

How has your life been touched or changed by cancer?


In 1937 my grandmother Helena Trotzig Johnson died of stomach cancer when I was 8 years old. She was such a warm, loving grandmother who made sugar cookies every time she came to visit us. She stayed at the homes of her children a month or two at a time during the year. She was 5'2" and a bit on the plump order. She also gave us lemon drops to suck on.

Next came the passing of my Mother , Rose Helana Johnson Nugent, after a two year fight with breast cancer in July, 1947 when I was 18 years old ( having just finished my freshman year of college). There was not much to do for breast cancer patients at that time. Daddy called all over the country to no avail. Some people said to drink grape juice and that would help. Some of our kind neighbors brought in jar after jar, but after much suffering and with June giving her hypos, she passed away. She looked so much younger when the pain was no longer there. Mother had trained us from childhood to do cooking, baking, cleaning and sewing. So we were equiped to help Daddy and Jim when we would come home for week-ends. She was our 4-H club leader and continued being a leader when all her daughters were no longer in the club..Our club was called "Little Women". She was always helping families in need. We took in her favorite niece, Marlys Mae after she had given birth to her fourth son and I was the baby sitter for the three other little boys.

My favorite little cousin Joyce Richter died of Leukemia the first year that I taught school in Fairmont, 1951. She was ten years old. When she would fuss when a youngster in church I was the one who volunteered to take her outside. She became ill that summer...we thought she had the mumps, but after weeks went on, and the mumps didn't go away it was determined that she had leukemia. She just wanted to go home as nothing the drs. in Minneapolis could do for her and she was gone in September. This was a really hard death to come to terms with for our family. Marlene and I have often talked about how our lives might have been different if Joyce had lived.

In July, 1955 my Father, Franklin Alfred Nugent, died of pancreatic cancer. The doctors had performed surgery on him in Dec. of 1954 and just closed the incision back up as nothing they could do for him. Baby Jan and I had flown home that Christmas to be with him and snuck her into the hospital room to see him. Grandma Mooge Mooge as you called her kept Daddy alive months after the doctors had thought he'd live.You still hear of people dying of panacreatic cancer yet today with no cure found for it. SAD!!! Daddy was the one who had me milking cows, feeding pigs, chickens, cleaning the chicken coop, etc. Each year he let me choose a pig that he would then sell for me to put the money in the bank for my college fund. My pig each year was called Alexander. They were orange and white pigs. All Aunt Joy got for doing chores she told me was a pen and pencil set. I will always remember the twinkle in Daddy's large blue eyes,his playing the violin with Mother at the piano and all of us singing The Little Brown Jug, Red River Valley and many Christmas carols. Two farm chores that we had to do were picking up rocks and pulling weeds. The weed pulling would come after a nice rain and I thought it fun to see them come out of the dirt with their roots dangling. These two chores were always done EARLY in the morning before it was too HOT.

Aunt Joy has survived her bladder cancer as so far she is cancer free after her chemo/ radiation treatments. I called to wish Jack a happy 91st birthday yesterday. He doesn't hear well at all so basically Joy had to tell him for me. He doesn't walk much and has a cane when he does she told me.

Trista is still fighting her shoulder cancer, but looks good right now.

This is how my life as been touched and changed by cancer.

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30 days of Thanks: Day 1

I found a really cool idea on Facebook this morning. Please click here to check it out and join in the 30 days of thanks campaign.

Today I am thankful for:

A beautiful fall day in Colorado.
My Aunt who sent me a check to help fix my bike that I wrecked in August.
My running and blogging friends that inspire me, make me laugh, sometimes move me to tears.

Dane
Heather
Kelly
Shayna
Sarah
Eric

My special friend, Brittany who inspires me with her relentless pursuit of finding a cure for blood cancers.

Thursday night runs at the Irish Snug with Laura and Nate.

I am thankful for the life I have with my family.

I still get to live with both of my children, Laura and Adam. Every day with them is a blessing.

I am so thankful for the amazing person I am married to. My wife Sue, who has given me this amazing life with her and our children.

WOW!

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Smorgasboard

Labor Day weekend has come and gone far too fast.

I left work Friday afternoon and headed over to Dekeovend Park for the Arapahoe Invitational High school cross country meet. One of my co-workers has a daughter that runs on the cross country team for Columbine High school.

Jenna is a sophmore this year and is running with the varsity team!

This meet has a great location, and features a bit of everything, running in open fields, on trail and even a quick dash across a shallow stream.

Watching these kids run the last 100 meters served as a reminder why I never have and never will be a sprinter.

1. Even if I wanted to, I couldn't. I simply do not have the fast twitch muscles that are required.

2. It hurts.

Being a mid to the back of the pack runner is fine with me.

Kudos to these kids for putting it all out on the line. Some of the sprints were amazing to watch.

Saturday after finally overcoming a mental obstacle, found me back on my bike for the first time in 20 days. I either had to get on the bike or give up on doing the TNT century ride in Moab in two weeks.

Much to my surprise, I had a good day on the bike. No silly accidents, no encounters with any irate drivers. I even had a couple of people smile at me and wait for me to get out of their way.

I went over to Runner's Roost to pick up my race package for the Park to Park 10 mile run on Monday.

I saw one of the former TNT running coaches who is on of the race directors for this event. Maureen asked me how Kelly was doing. She was shocked when I told her that Kelly had passed away almost 18 months ago.

I had sent her one of Kelly and Adam's pictures from prom weekend in 2006. Like many of us, Maureen thought there was no way her cancer could return.

Sunday night, Sue and I went with Laura to visit a church she recently started to visit. The church has an interesting name, "Scum of the Earth".

The church that Sue and I have been attending meets in a movie theatre. Keegan calls it "movie church". Lol.

Monday, I ran in the Park to Park 10 mile race. This race hits four very beautiful parks in the Denver area. It is a great tour of the city, run along tree lined, beautiful homes. This is one of my favorite races to run.

Before the race I saw three of my TNT cycling teammates right before the start. We were joking as we had all signed up under the "it sounded like a good idea at the time". We were debating the wisdom of our decision and agreed we would probably file it under the "what was I thinking" category.

I saw Catherine(Mighty Mason's Mom) and we chatted for a few moments as well. She said her goal for the Nike Marathon on October 18, was to be less injured than she was for the Denver marathon last year.

Staying injury free when training for a marathon is a huge challenge. I am just amazed that Catherine can train around the hospital visits, planned and unplanned around Mason's treatment.

Mason started first grade a couple of weeks ago. He looks great. They have twenty six weeks to go to complete his relapse therapy. Catherine and family take nothing for granted. They know things can change on the flip of a dime.

Catherine motored past me shortly after the one mile mark. I tried to "grab her wheel" as we say in cycling lingo. I wanted to try and get a picture of her running, but I couldn't catch her. These cancer Mom's are strong!

I dedicated my run this morning to Melina Elizabeth Wachter who earned her angel wings five years ago today at the age of ten months. Melina's family hosts a golf tournament every year and donate the proceeds to the Bone marrow transplant unit to help other families and children that are fighting for their lives. Take that, cancer!

I didn't run as well as I had hoped. I picked what I thought was a realistic time goal, but I guess I was overly optimistic on what I could do. I only hit my goal pace a couple of times during the ten miles, felt some unwanted aches and pains in different places. I ran on as best as I was able to for Melina.

I ran a personal worst at this distance. I added over 7 minutes this year. I really wasn't physically prepared to run this far at any sort of pace.

I had been clinging to the hope that I could still somehow run the Denver marathon in 6 weeks. Today was a reality check. It just isn't going to happen. I can let go of that now.

We had lunch with my parents at Macoroni Grill and then headed off to Coors Field with Keegan for the Rockies Game.

The Rockies came from behind to win 4-3! Keegan for the most part did really well at the game today.

I was surprised that during the 7th inning stretch they played God Bless America. I was even more suprised by my reaction. I don't know if it is because we are 4 days away from another anniversary of 9/11. I couldn't sing the words, I was overcome with emotion.

Keegan is really attached to Laura(La La) and Adam(Amu) as he calls them.  Both of my kids are so devoted to Keegan.  They spoil him so much you would think they were grandparents :)

Keegan doesn't have a father figure. I wonder if our niece has any idea how much Keegan loves Adam. Adam is so good with Keegan. After the game, he was really tired. He loves to sit on Adam's shoulders and he leaned over and rested his head on top of Adam's and gave him a hug. It was such a sweet moment.

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Skirt Chaser 5K

Laura, Ryan and Vicki at the 5K Skirt Chaser.



This is a bit different than all of the other road races. The women all start off first with the men's division starting 3 minutes later.



First person, regardless of gender to cross the finish line wins $500.00



Before the race, we stopped by the Hot 107 van and encountered a very nice young man(Ryan), wearing a very pink skirt.



I asked him if I could take his picture and he even flashed a bit of extra skin. Too funny.



Laura said the leading man passed her before the one mile mark. He was smoking. She was sure that he was going to win the overall race.



I ran pretty good for me these days. 8:33, 8:33, 8:29 and .45 for the last .1.



26:15! I will take it. The best part for me was I ran the race totally pain free. It has been a long way back this year.



I had fun hanging out after the race with Laura and Vicki. Good times.



Oh, the ladies won the race this year and fairly handily(17 seconds or so).

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Alone in my thoughts

I laid in bed on Saturday morning, pretending I was deciding between driving down to Colorado Springs to ride with the TNT group or whether to join the Denver team instead.

I think I had really decided the night before I was going to ride by myself as I watched the clock relentlessly move forward. I was awake at 4:00 am. I could have easily driven down to Colorado Springs. Soon that was no longer an option, I couldn't get down there in time. I repeated the process and soon the Denver ride was no longer an option.

I got up, got dressed, applied my sunscreen and headed out the door. I had no idea where I was headed. I was winging it.

I really wanted to be alone in my thoughts today. Wednesday morning, my wife's mother passed away at 4:45 in the morning.

This was the first of our parents to leave us. While her passing was not unexpected and in some ways a blessing as Sheri had been in considerable pain for a long time. Still....

I have a much harder time on the bike finding that place of nothingness, that I can reach when I run for a long time.

I craved that alone time. I had gone to my cave, to ponder, to wonder again.

I rode on looking for answers, looking for peace, looking for forgiveness.

Sheri passed away Wednesday morning surrounded by her three children She waited for one of her children to arrive. Her breathing was very labored, as she continued to fight.

Laura, Adam and I passed Rick(Sue's Brother) as he hurried to join Sue and Jim in ICU.

Sue said as soon as Rick arrived in the room, her breathing became shallow, peaceful. She probably drew ten more breaths and she was gone. She waited for all of her children, so she could be at peace, so they could be at peace...

Sheri and I were never close. Now she is gone. Where do I go with that?

I rode on, looking for an answer.

At times, I thought about the reason I am on the bike, why I choose to ride, who I ride for.



Thoughts of Brittany and Trista, Alyson and my other heroes, my angels, Kelly, Laiken, Melina are never far away.


I realized that today, I was riding for Sheri for the gifts she brought to my life. For that I can never say thank you enough for your daughter , for my children, for the hand print you have left on our hearts.


This is one of my favorite songs as it can apply to any relationship and the language of saying goodbye to those that have touched our lives.

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Riding for Trista

I love the roaring sound of water.

Summit of Ute Pass(9,500 feet)

Blue River

Blue River Century-Getting ready to roll!

I felt very emotional as we rolled off at the start. There were approximately 275 riders that had signed up for the ride, raising money for the Lance Armstrong foundation, riding in honor or in memory of their loved ones.

I was riding in honor of my cousin's daughter, Trista Otto, age 11 who was recently diagnosed with a rare and aggressive form of bone cancer. My Aunt had sent me a picture of Trista which I pinned to the back of my jersey. I received many compliments and well wishes for Trista during the ride.

I knew I wasn't really physically ready for this ride. My longest ride had only been 42-43 miles and I had done very little climbing. In some ways that was by choice as I almost felt like it wasn't fair that I could choose to train. Trista didn't get a choice about her cancer.

Off we rolled and I thought of the fight that lays ahead for Trista. I thought about Kelly's fight, the courage she had as she battled for almost 12 years.

I thought about one of the lines I really like in the Lance Armstrong Manifesto as we rode off together.

We're about the fight.

And I thought of the LLS chapter staff

And the Moms I know that fight relentlessly for their kids

And my team heroes

And my TNT teammates

And my angels

We're about the fight, about being relentless for a cure, providing support and hope in anyway we can.

So we pedaled.

There was a 5.1 mile climb to the top of Ute Pass.

After the descent there was a 20 mile per hour headwind which battered the riders. There were times I could have sworn I was riding downhill and I still had to pedal hard.

The wind was relentless, swirling. It was really discouraging. We were getting pummelled. There was nothing to do, but to pedal. So we did.

The last aid station was phenomenal. Cheese and crackers, cookies. Wonderful volunteers. Helpful, supportive, caring. One asked me about Trista. I told him I was riding in her honor. I didn't know what else to do. I just feel helpless, powerless...Riding, doing something is empowering.

They told me it was 6 miles up Montezuma road and 6 miles back to the finish. It was a long 6 miles and I got my wish. I suffered those last 6 miles of climbing. There were times I was tempted to just turnaround. No one will know.

I had to keep going. It was important for me to keep fighting for Trista. I want her to get to her finish line with a cure. If I quit, I wouldn't be honoring her. I wouldn't be honoring Kelly's memory if I gave up. So I pedaled and pedaled and I struggled to turn the pedals over. Finally I saw the sign for the turnaround. I was done climbing.

I am not done fighting.

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Riding for Trista

I have to do something.

I just happened to see an ad in Facebook for the Blue River Century and Metric Century ride which is a benefit for the Lance Armstrong Foundation.

While it may not be the smartest decision I have ever made, I feel like it is something I am supposed to be doing.

I signed up to for the metric century distance(62.1 miles, 3,500 feet of climbing). So on June 20th, I will set out to ride in Trista's honor.

I am woefully unprepared to do this, but who is ready to hear those three words. You have cancer.

I still have almost 3 weeks to train and prepare myself as best as I can to get through the day.

While I am training and able to take rest days if I need to or if I am just not feeling motivated, Trista has chemo treatments. She doesn't have the luxury of choosing.

So many times we have more than one choice as we go about our lives.

Kelly, Laiken, Brittany and now Trista and so many others, too many others.

Cancer, choose.

Choose your cancer.

It's not fair. It's just life.

Choose your life.

Livestrong!

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Not again

I found out today that my cousin's daughter has been diagnosed with bone cancer at the age of 11.

It is in her right shoulder. It is a rare kind and aggressive. She started chemo on Monday. She was in the hospital 3 days with a constant drip.

She will wait 3 weeks and then go in for 5 more days for the constant drip. She has a 95% chance to make the first year. I guess they will do this hoping it will shrink enough to remove it surgically. The treatments will continue as long as it is working.

The Make a Wish foundation has told her make a wish and they would see that it comes true.
We are all devastated, but are keeping positive that she will someday be completely well. She is in God's hands. Please pray for her!

There just seems to be no end to this. As a mother of a little boy who died earlier this year of neuroblastoma cancer said, "Something has got to give".

To anyone that is reading this please click here and light a candle to show your support for Trista.

L&L x 11...

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