Words you are not ever quite ready for

I have spent most of the last week running to and fro the doctors office for various procedures.

I have had two appointments with an orthopedist sandwiched in between a MRI exam.

Last Friday, I started off the day at my family doctor to have a needle biopsy of a skin lesion.

After that I had an hour or so to kill before heading back to the Cardiologist to pick up a halter monitor to wear for 48 hours. Hoping that under less controlled conditions that this device might be able to detect any sort of palpitations, arrhythmia etc. It will be a week or longer before those results come back.

After getting that hooked up it was back to the orthopedist to get the results of the MRI.

The diagnosis is that there is a slight tear in my left hamstring at the insertion point of the ischial tube. The very good news is that there were no tumors detected by the MRI. That was one of the things he was considering as a possibility.

Here are my choices.

1. Stop running.
2. Stop cycling.
3. Continue running and live with the pain.
4. Get a steroid injection.

I won't be in any hurry to try #4. There is a risk with that procedure that could leave to nerve damage in my foot if the needle hits the wrong spot.

#3 is not much of an option to consider as the pain has become harder to deal with and basically running isn't really any fun right now.

#2. I was quite surprised to hear him say that. I was semi prepared to hear him say to stop running. The cycling puts more pressure on the sit bone(ischial tube) so I guess in a way that makes sense, but to have to give up both running and cycling at the same time is not something I was prepared for at all.

#1. The $64.00 question is always how long do I need to stop for and there is never a clear answer. 4-6 weeks and then try and resume the running slowly. He said not to jump in with a 100 mile week. That should be pretty easy as I have never even come close to that.

I am struggling with when to stop running. I had set a mileage goal at the start of the year(1,776 miles and I am less than 20 miles away).

I hate the thought of having to rehab again and lose all of my conditioning and endurance. I have had to do this so many times in the 10 years I have been running. I guess I must be a slow learner because I keep having to take the same test over and over again.

My family doctor called me this evening with the results of the biopsy. I was surprised to get the results so quickly. I didn't think I would hear until Christmas Eve.

Words I wasn't prepared for. The lesion was cancerous, but they had gotten all of it. Nothing to worry about. Happy Holidays.

That was a lot of information to get in 30 seconds.

For now, he will just monitor to make sure there is no recurrence. Just make sure to always wear sunscreen, hats, sunglasses. Something I haven't always been diligent about as I should be.

After weeks of various testing it seems most of the bad things are being ruled out. If the heart monitor testing comes back normal than in some ways I will be back to square one, no closer than when all of this testing started in understanding the fatigue and feelings of malaise.

It could all be stress related which in some ways would be weird since exercise is supposed to be a stress reliever.

On a funny note, I told Sue that the doctor was recommending no running or cycling for 4-6 weeks. She said, what about your family? How will we put up with you?

More words I wasn't quite ready for....

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What a week

This was a week filled with many different thoughts and emotions, fear, sadness, relief(sort of), ambivalence, uncertainty...

First off on the medical front.

Results of the CT scan came back good. The nodules that had been detected on the earlier chest x-ray have been there for years and are not growing.

Blood work and chest/CT scans show no indication that the sarcoidosis has come out of remission.

I had a thallium treadmill test on Wednesday. This is a treadmill test where you are injected with a small dose of nuclear medicine which helps monitor the blood flow to the muscles of the heart and would help pinpoint any abnormalities or possible indicate a form of coronary disease.

Naturally when I was on the treadmill my heart did not skyrocket. The test normally takes 10 minutes to reach the target heart rate and I went well past the 10 minute mark before I reached the target heart rate of 152 bpm. My EKG was completely normal and I tested at the high end of the fitness level for people that are 30-39 years old. They also told me that my heart rate of recovery was very good. Most people recover about 10-20 bpm and my heart rate had dropped to 100 in 60 seconds. Now this is all very good news as it ruled out any form of coronary heart trouble.

Unanswered still is what is causing all of the aching legs, rapid heart rate, cramping, feelings of malaise. Not sure at this point what the next steps the doctor will take or if there will be further testing he might pursue.

One of my worst fears came to pass earlier this week at work. There had been a flurry of "fire drills" going on at work, numerous cryptic requests from upper management for information.

Thursday morning, the first wave of layoffs in my company began. There were five people in my suite who received the bad news that their jobs had been eliminated. 60 positions in Denver had been eliminated and 200 across the company. There seems to be no end to the bad news. Layoffs are part of the daily news, but it never seems real. Thursday it became real. I lost a colleague that I had worked with for 17 years. We had played golf together over the years. He was a trusted friend. The first day I started my job as a programmer in 1991 this person went out of his way to welcome me and offer his support. When I considered taking another job years ago, he was a trusted advisor in a decision I agonized over.

While I survived the first round of layoffs, I am sure there will be more to come. Our stock was trading around 30.00 in August and last week closed around 11.00.

It will feel strange at work for some time if it ever feels normal again.

I will miss my friend and many other colleagues that I didn't get a chance to say goodbye to.

What will this week bring?

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Aftermath

Aftermath: The outcome of an event especially as relative to an individual.

It has been almost three weeks since running the Denver marathon.

I have no regrets about the physical aspect as it relates to the outcome. I don't think I could have done any better than I did on that day. Sue had asked me in days leading up to the marathon, how would I define "winning" for this marathon?

George Sheehan who wrote a column for Runners World had a couple of definitions he used to describe winning.

"Finishing is Winning" and "Winning is doing the best you can with what you have".

I finished and think I did the best I could with what I had on that day.

John Bingham's signature quote states, "The Miracle isn't that I finished. The miracle is that I had the courage to start".

The courage to start begins weeks and months before race day. Although as these physical problems continue I almost feel like it was a minor miracle that I was able to finish.

I finally gave in last week and actually went to see my doctor and start that process of discovery. Something is not right. Even when just doing easy running for just 30 minutes or so, I am just exhausted. My heart rate is alarmingly high.

It could be that my sarcoidosis has come out of remission. The aching in my legs and the chronic fatigue feel much like it did when I was first diagnosed eighteen years ago. This could go a long way in explaining why I have no stamina, and all of the mysterious body aches.

Sarcoidosis is an auto immune disorder. For those of you that watch the TV show House, the doctors like to float the name out there quite frequently until Dr. House rolls up his sleeves and saves the day. I find that comical that it is mentioned so regularly on that show. There is no good treatment for it and in some ways the only treatment(steroids) can be worse than the disease itself.

So now the process starts, blood work, ACE test(Active converting enzyme). If the levels come back high that is a good indication that the Sarcoid is active.

My doctor called me on Friday afternoon to schedule a high resolution CT scan.


The disease eventually resolves itself with or without treatment and goes away as mysteriously as it announces that it has decided to stay as a unwanted, rude guest.


At least if the Sarcoidosis has come out of remission, I know what I have to deal with.


I can deal with that aftermath.

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