When in doubt, love

Dear Kelly,

Four years have passed since the last time I saw you, four years from the last time I hugged you.

I posted my memories of that day here.  I am so glad that I wrote about our time together that day.  It is a treasured memory like so many others I have about you.  Tucked safely away in my heart.

I think often about not only how you lived the last 37 days of your life, but how you lived your life.

.Many times you had to face your doubts as your cancer returned.  Such a persistent cancer.  I am sure you had to have doubts, how can this happen again?   How can I move forward, how do I live my life?

And I watched you choose love above your doubts.  You chose your life,cherished your time with your family and friends.

Through any doubts, throughout your cancer journey,throughout your life, you chose love.

Wow, wow and WOW!

Did I tell you that I wrote an article about you for a book?  It has been published.  A copy of the book came  last night.  It is a story about us.

I am working with a young woman who is running as a woman of the year candidate for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society.  I am sure you would love Cassie.  She is a lot like you.  She has a kind and loving heart, she is courageous, she is a Denver Bronco fan.  Cassie shares a birthday with you.  She is fighting for a world without cancer, standing for your life.

I love you Kelly.  I am forever grateful for the gift of your life and for the gentle nudges you still send me to remind me of your love.

There are many things of that I am not sure of in my life.  The one thing I never doubt is who you are to me in the world.

Love.

No doubt!

Tweet

37 Days

As of this morning I have 37 days left at my job.  It is kind of weird knowing that.

The last time I ever saw Kelly, she had 37 days left to live.

I have been reading a book by Patty Digh called Life is a Verb which has various exercises to practice for 37 days.  She wrote this book as her father in-law died 37 days after being diagnosed with lung cancer.

For my last 37 days that I will drive into the office, I am planning to.

1.  Run for 37 minutes each morning before going to work.  I hope this will give me a mental boost.  I have always loved running early in the morning.

2.  Reach out to at least one person each day at the office and have a conversation.  Hopefully these conversations will not all be about me leaving.  I have a tendency to withdraw as a way of protecting myself from being hurt.

3.  Find one thing each day at work to be grateful for.

So today:

 1. I ran for 37 minutes before work today.

2. I had a conversation with a colleague in the hallway.  I could tell he wanted to say something to me.  Most of my colleagues have been avoiding me.  There is a lot of akwardness, stunned silence in our suite, in the hallways.

3.  I got through the day today.  I hope to find something better tomorrow.

Tweet