Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Totally random event or is Kelly keeping my heart open?

Okay, here is the rest of the story as Paul Harvey would say and it is a long story.

I ran out of gas in my "mystery car" on the way home from a board meeting a couple of weeks ago. The idiot light never came on, in fact the gauge said I still had almost half a tank.

Since I have a habit of running out of gas, I had a one gallon gas can in the trunk of my car. I put a gallon in my car and now I can't get the car started. The car acts like it is flooded. The mystery continues. At that point I decide I will go for a run and come back and see if I can get it started. This gas station doesn't have a public restroom and I am already feeling uncomfortable, but a lot of times I can ignore that when I run. It is a rather chilly night in April and it now begins to snow and the wind begins to blow. I am freezing for the first 10 minutes of the run, this is really fun. I get back to my car about 45 minutes later, put another gallon of gas in the car and finally the "Mystery car" starts.

I stop at a gas station close to home and decide to completely fill up the tank and see if I was really that low or did I have another issue with the car(Since gas has started it's upward spiral, I hate filling the car up).

I decide to go inside at this point and use the bathroom as my condition is becoming quite painful. There is a sign that says for customers only, but since I am filling up the car I can use the bathroom. Phew.

When I come out, the attendant asks me how my day is going. For some reason, I actually told him about all of my trouble getting home, running out of gas, how the car wouldn't start.

He then asked me if I was a runner which was a weird question out of the blue, but this is a strange night. I told him I indeed was a runner and in fact I had gone running earlier during this adventure in getting home. He then proceeded to ask my why I ran, what do I get out of it? This is getting weirder.

Anyway, I told him I just enjoyed running, particularly enjoy running outside. Running outside was in some ways a spiritual quest for me. He kept probing for more information, what made me start, what was I really seeking? Was I finding it?

I told him a little bit about how I had started running marathons for the Leukemia Society back in 1999 and had developed a special bond with Kelly. So you started running to help people was his next question to me. He kept asking me more questions and for some reason I kept trying to answer him. He never quite seemed to like my answers. Why did I continue this conversation? This is too strange.

He returned again to the question, what was I looking for, was I finding it, is your life working?

I told him, I wasn't sure what I was looking for. I hadn't really found it, I was searching, trying to make a connection to a higher power. I was still looking, that was the most honest answer I could give this gas station attendant.

Finally he told me, that the only way to the truth I was looking for was through Christ. That was the only way to make my life work, to find peace, to make that connection.

I was totally blown away at this point. I kind of stammered and thanked him and tried to back out of the door. He asked me what my name was, introduced himself to me and told me once more the only way to make my life work was through accepting Christ as my savior.

I have thought about this a lot for the last couple of weeks wondering about all of the things that transpired that day to bring me to that gas station where I had to venture inside to use the bathroom. If I hadn't run out of gas in the first place, if the car hadn't flooded, if the first gas station had a bathroom, if I just put 10 dollars in the car instead of filling it up, if I wasn't feeling so vulnerable from the board meeting, if I hadn't answered the first question about how my day was going? Why did I do that? Totally out of character.

Is Kelly keeping my heart open to God? I have always felt that God wanted Kelly to be in my life and I never looked beyond that incredible gift. Now I have to ask did Kelly and her family come to my life because God wanted to be in my life?

Don, Patty, Travis and Marcy-I would love to hear from you about this. You can leave a comment on my blog or just send me an email.


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  2. I love this blog! I can just imagine Kelly knowing when your car broke down the conversation that you were about to have... knowing the reason behind your frustrations and smiling. Can't you just see her smirking? :-)

    Love you!

    sorry you ran out of gas... remember that ONE time I ran out of gas? :-)

  3. Ross,

    I believe in my heart that God brought you close to Kelly so that you would come close to God. I know that Kelly is in Heaven with our Lord and Savior. I also know that God and Kelly would like nothing better than to have you there with them when your time here on earth is done. Knowing God as my personal Savior and Lord has made the loss of Kelly a lot more bearable. I still miss her a lot, but I know she is with the Lord, pain free, and enjoying her life like we can only imagine. I truly believe God directed you to that gas station attendant and is asking you to please have a personal relationship with HIM!! He loves you like no other can. It is the love of a father for his children. No matter what you have done, or do, he loves you unconditionaly. He only asks that you ask Him into your heart! I know how I feel with the Loss of Kelly, can you imagine how God felt when Jesus died on the cross to forgive us our sins. He sent Jesus to this earth for one purpose and that was to die for our sins on the cross. Jesus had the power to stop what he went through at any time, but didn't so that our sins would be forgiven. What an awesome Lord. So, to get back to your story, yes I believe there was a purpose for what you went through that night and I truly believe God wants you to be closer to Him!

    God Bless,
    Don Grubb