Friday, October 3, 2008

16 to 16

There are 16 days left before I run my 16th marathon.

I am feeling something less than confident at this point. I feel like I have been training for this marathon for such a long time. TNT kickoff meeting was May 10 and we are in week # 21 of training for this marathon That is simply too long for me.

I took advantage, or so I thought of this extended training season and did six rides with the TNT cycling team and one ride with the TNT Triathlon team. Interestingly, I think I ran better when I was riding 30-60 miles on Saturday and then doing my long run on Sunday. It seems all I trained myself to do was to run on tired legs at an easy pace. Even when I stopped riding and started to focus on running, I never seemed to get any zip back in my legs. Every run has a sameness to it, a feeling of sluggishness, listlessness.

The last three weekends I have run, each run has felt worse than the previous week. I usually have one clunker of a bad run when I am training for a marathon and than bounce back. I am doing worse than the stock market right now :)

I didn't eat anything before running two weeks ago and I realized at the 5 mile mark I was out of fuel. I ran out of gas on my own two feet. You would think I would know better than to attempt a 16 mile run without eating. I got in big trouble with my wife over my new training plan.

I am not sure how much of the malaise I am feeling is physical and how much is mental/emotional. There are times I feel like something isn't right with me physically. I feel exhausted at times. I have more than my share of aches and pains than what I normally feel.

My knee still doesn't feel 100% at this point. I have had chronic pain in my left glute for the last 3-4 weeks(Pirformis syndrome) and have had some nagging pain which feels very similar to an injury I have had before(Osteitis Pubis). Earlier this week, I woke up with a terrible pain in my left calf. I had a visible bulging knot in my calf. It was really painful. So on the physical side, I have a lot of issues.

Mentally and emotionally, I think I feel even worse than all the physical ailments. It is hard to say how much of the physical problems have been manifested by the emotional heartache of this year.

There are times when I just don't feel like I am strong enough to get through this run. I never thought the day would come when I would be running to honor Kelly's memory. I have made this distinction in my mind that I am still running to honor her life, her courage in this battle against cancer and I a really am not running in her memory. Yet. . .

I remember when I was training for the Calgary marathon in 2001, being so afraid seven years ago that I would be running in her memory instead of in her honor.

Now that day I was so afraid of 2,614 days ago is now just sixteen days away.

I am going to paraphrase something my friend Shayna posted in her blog.

So, regardless of who is or isn't at that finish line, I'm still doing my 26.2 miles in Denver in the memory of my dear sweet Kelly and also for Laiken Kenwood, baby Molina gone at 10 months...for Patti Kaufman.

I run to honor Sarah Larson, one of Kelly's best friends who is an AML survivor of 9 years.

I run to honor Brittany Ross, one of the Rocky Mountain chapters team heroes, another AML survivor.

I run to honor little Mason Bernard, age 5 who is in week 32 of a 104 week cycle of chemo therapy treatments.

I run to honor Brandan Hickey who has a very rare and dangerous form of AML.

I don't feel very courageous right now, but I will keep trying. I will keep running. What else is there to do?


  1. Your running is so inspirational! I know that this will be the hardest marathon that you have ever done, and it will be the hardest one I will ever watch you run :-) ... but you will do it, because you are you, you are courageous and strong, even when you think you aren't. You are loving and so caring, and you will prevail, and inspire and you will honor all those people that you care so much about. The one's that are here, and the one's that are not!
    I love you!

  2. Ross,

    We will pray for strength and endurance for the upcoming marathon. We love you and wish we could be there to cheer you on to the finish.

    God Bless