Thoughts about Kelly

Six years.

It has been six years now since Kelly's Dad called me to tell me that Kelly had died.

Kelly has been in my thoughts a lot this last week.

I went back and reread many of the posts from Kelly's CaringBridge page during her last month.

It has been six years and it was like stepping back into yesterday.

I cried, I felt sad.  I felt inspired, grateful for her life, for the love she brought to my life.

My wife, Sue who is so much wiser then me has told me for years, that I perhaps I missed the biggest gift that Kelly gave to all of us that knew her.

Gratitude.

Choosing to be grateful in spite of her circumstances.

Kelly chose her life, which meant choosing her cancer for everything that is was.

Adam rented a movie for us to watch last night, About Time.

I loved this line from the movie.

"I just try to live every day as if I've deliberately come back to this one day to enjoy it as it is was the final day of my extraordinary life."

Here's to Kelly.

“The lamp has not been quenched, it’s just that the dawn has arrived”~Irish Proverb

Kelly, Marcy, Molly, Adam and Rose, Disneyland 2001

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Dreaming of Kelly

I had the most amazing dream the other night.

I was in a room full of people, I don't know who they were.

Kelly walked into this room.  Kelly was 25 years old in my dream.  She looked amazing.

I ran over and hugged her and fell into her arms crying.

"Why are you crying?", she asked me in wonderment.

"I am so happy to see you", I told her.

I looked around the room for a familiar face, for the people who would know, who would understand what Kelly meant to me.

There was no one in the room with me who knew who Kelly was for me.  I so wanted to find someone and tell them this is Kelly.

The alarm went off on Sue's I-phone.  I couldn't get back to my dream.

What did this dream mean?  I haven't had a dream about Kelly in such a long time and in this dream she was alive, vibrant.  This was the Kelly I knew while she was alive.

The last month since I have been home from Austin has been very difficult for me.  I am dealing with the aftermath of a blood clot in my left leg.  I have felt discouraged after completing the web training in Austin.  I have felt sad, lonely.

Kelly has always known when I most need her and even now she found a way to reach out to me, to touch and comfort me beyond the portals of time.

In love and gratitude for Kelly Melissa Sandra Grubb.

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