Final Chapter

Yesterday was my last day at my job, 20 years, 3 months to the day I started there.

I started on our 7th wedding anniversary.

Laura was about to turn 3 years old.

Sue was 7 months pregnant with Adam.

I have worked for this company his entire lifetime.

Weirdness.

The last 42 days at work have been very difficult.

We trained a team of people on how to do our jobs.  Transition 20 years of knowledge in a series of 1-2 hour sessions.

More weirdness.

The last week for me was about getting closure and being complete with the people that mattered most to me.

I had to say good bye to one of my colleagues on Monday. 

The first glimpse of the emotions that would fill the rest of the week.

I told her that I had loved working with her, I will miss you.   I hugged her good bye.   She told me to stay in touch...

Wednesday, I scheduled a meeting with another of my colleagues.  We chatted about all the years we had shared.   We had both raised our families while we worked together.

I said my good byes to three of my favorite people on Thursday, thanking them for their support and friendship that has meant so much to me.

Friday was a final lunch with another person I was close to.   I couldn't bring myself to say what I needed to say to her.  I knew I wasn't complete.

We got back to our desks,  I grabbed a box of kleenex and asked her to come with me to an empty conference room.  

I was surprised by the emotion I felt.  I had gotten through all of my good byes with no tears and now my voice quavered and the tears began to fall.

I said what I needed to say, we hugged one another good bye through our tears.

I said my good byes to the final two people that I wanted to acknowledge before I left.

I struggled so much these last 42 days at work, trying to understand the lesson, trying to find the gift.

When Kelly was dying, her Mom talked about that there was nothing left unsaid between Kelly and her family.   That was part of the gift of her cancer journey.

For me, that was my gift as well to leave nothing left unsaid.

I thought I was giving my friends this gift and it turned out that it was really a gift I ended up giving to myself.

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Jack Bauer and me

I am winding down to my last 24 hours at my job.

Luckily, I am past the days when 24 hours used to occur in real time. I had more times than I care to recall when my days would last that long and then some.

24 hours to go in a career that has lasted  over 45,000 hours.

In Jack Bauer time, I would be starting episode 1,875.

I wonder if Chloe can upload that link to my PDA.

So for now I am running out of  time

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Taking back the Park for Chelsea King

Sunday morning, I lined up at the back of pack to begin my run to take back the park for Chelsea King.

I rode my bike through the Garden of the Gods last summer.  Jaw dropping beauty.  I know of no other way to describe this.

I was glad I had chosen this venue to run in honor of Chelsea. 

There were many fun cheer stations lined with young high school students from Manitou Springs.  Beach party themes, Santa's workshop and river rafting were some of the cheer station themes.  Very high spirits.  Nice to see those young people donating their time.

I think Chelsea would have liked that.  These young people could have been her classmates...

Only bummer of the day was my Canon SD750 battery pack was dead so I had to use my cell phone to take pictures with.  No camera can do justice to what one sees with our eyes.

Oh my gosh.  Those hills.  I keep trying to remember the time when I liked to run uphill.

The actual race report.

Did I mention it was hilly?

I arrived at the mile 3 mark and saw the lead men on their way back to the finish.  I had run 3, they had almost run 7.  They were smoking!!!

I followed the wisdom of marathon runner Walter Stack to "go out slow, and then taper off".  

I stopped on many occasions to try and take some pictures with my cell phone. Almost none of them turned out...

I really was present to the beauty of my surroundings during the run. So many times, I hurry to get to the finish and end up missing so much...

I hope that Chelsea enjoyed running along side me today.  I know I enjoyed keeping her close to my heart.

I can't wait to go run this again next year.   I want to make this an annual run to take back the park for Chelsea.

Running for Chelsea, running for Kelly and Laiken. I consider it a sacred honor.

Light and Love for Chelsea x 17 x forever...

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Virtual Finish Chelsea's Run

I will be running the Garden of the Gods Ten Mile race tomorrow in Manitou Springs to help take back the park for Chelsea King.

Thanks to my friend Katye at Long Legs on the Loose for putting this event together for us.

I can't think of a more beautiful place to run for Chelsea.

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37 Days

As of this morning I have 37 days left at my job.  It is kind of weird knowing that.

The last time I ever saw Kelly, she had 37 days left to live.

I have been reading a book by Patty Digh called Life is a Verb which has various exercises to practice for 37 days.  She wrote this book as her father in-law died 37 days after being diagnosed with lung cancer.

For my last 37 days that I will drive into the office, I am planning to.

1.  Run for 37 minutes each morning before going to work.  I hope this will give me a mental boost.  I have always loved running early in the morning.

2.  Reach out to at least one person each day at the office and have a conversation.  Hopefully these conversations will not all be about me leaving.  I have a tendency to withdraw as a way of protecting myself from being hurt.

3.  Find one thing each day at work to be grateful for.

So today:

 1. I ran for 37 minutes before work today.

2. I had a conversation with a colleague in the hallway.  I could tell he wanted to say something to me.  Most of my colleagues have been avoiding me.  There is a lot of akwardness, stunned silence in our suite, in the hallways.

3.  I got through the day today.  I hope to find something better tomorrow.

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Virtual 10K run for LLS

I ran in a virtual 10K this morning to benefit the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society.

One of my awesome Facebook, Twitter, TNT friends Courtney was hosting a virtual 10K.

I lined up at the start line at 7:00 and off I went to run in some of my favorite areas of Denver.

I took an early lead and never looked back :)

                                          Running East on 7th Avenue towards Colorado Blvd.  

                                         One of many quiet and shady tree lined streets.

                                                   Love being mindful and enjoying the awesome
                                                               beauty of this city.

Oh my gosh, it was so hot this morning.  I tried best as I could to enjoy the run and not think about the situation at work. 

I put on a burst of slow and finished my 10K run in 1:03:10

Thanks Courtney.  Best first time 10K race director ever!

                                   

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Empty Chairs and Empty Cubicles

With apologies to Alan Boubil and  Claude MichaelSchonberg:

There’s a sadness that can’t be spoken.

There’s a pain goes on and on.
Empty chairs at empty cubicles
Now my friends and I are gone.

Here we talked our dreams.
Here it was we lit the flame.
Here we talked about `tomorrow’
And tomorrow never came.

Phantom faces at the window.
Phantom shadows on the floor.
Empty chairs at empty cubicles.
Where my friends and I will work no more.

Oh my friends, my friends, don’t ask me
what our sacrifice was for
Empty chairs at empty cubicles
Where my friends and I will meet no more.

Thursday, we were told that our jobs were being eliminated, moved to a managed services group(fancy word for outsourcing).

I had worked with some of these people for over 15 years, one for 20 years.

We had raised our families while working together.

I will miss my friends.

As Al Gore, said during this concession speech, "It's time for me to go."

Empty Chairs and Empty Tables .

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